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How to cure a heartache

How to cure a heartache

How to cure a heartache

How to cure a heartache

This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to “The Power of Positive Thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale. Shortform has the world’s best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.

How do you deal with heartache? What is the most effective way to cope with emotional pain?

Grief, sorrow, and other forms of heartache and inner suffering are part of being human. It happens at some point to everyone and there is no surefire way to avoid emotional hurt altogether.

Here, Norman Vincent Peale, the author of The Power of Positive Thinking, shares his advice on how to cure heartache.

Curing Heartache

Peale once encountered a young man who was having trouble rising above his sorrow. He asked for a “prescription for heartache.” He gave him the following advice on how to cure his heartache:

  • Get back to normal. If you’re in a bad situation, get out of it and return to your normal life and its activities. Being as normal and natural as possible helps to cure heartache. For example, if a loved one has died, don’t avoid the places you used to go together.
  • Get physically active. Avoid the temptation to sit and brood.
  • Get busy with a worthwhile project. Make sure you stay busy with something creative to occupy your time (not just partying and drinking).
  • Feel your grief. It’s natural and helpful to cry when sorrow comes. Trying to bottle up your grief and not show emotion is unhealthy. But you can’t let crying and grieving get out of control, either. It’s not healthy for it to become a habitual process.
  • Turn to God. On a more spiritual level, curing your heartache requires turning to God with faith and trust. You don’t have to carry your burden of sorrow alone; putting yourself in the presence of God is healing and soothing.

Dealing With a Death of a Loved One

There is no greater heartache than the death of a loved one. A spiritual way to help live with this heartache is to gain an understanding of the deeper meaning of life and death. When you carry with you the faith that all life is connected—and when you die, you merely continue your journey in another form—you gain a deep peace and comfort about the loss of a loved one.

For Peale, coming to the realization that there is no death—that “here” and “hereafter” are all part of one universe—brought him great comfort. This philosophy doesn’t take away the sadness when a loved one dies, but it will help lift and dissolve grief. Knowing deep down that you haven’t truly lost your loved one brings peace.

This philosophy is based on teachings from the Bible that say we’ve never seen or heard anything that can compare with the wonders God prepares for those who love and put their trust in him. 1 Corinthians 2:9 says: “The eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”

This passage seems to promise that we’ll be reunited with lost loved ones and speaks to the idea that those who have died are still living on “the other side.”

Peale adamantly believed that life continues after death; dying is merely changing the form of our life experience. The idea of the soul living on beyond death is discussed in areas like parapsychology, precognition and telepathy.

Peale feels that science will one day substantiate the idea of life after death, but the many people he has spoken with who have had near-death experiences, or who have recounted dying loved ones who seem to see people who have already died, offer all the evidence he needs. The experiences described to him have convinced him that our loved ones still exist, they aren’t far from us, and we’ll be reunited with them.

When Thomas Edison was dying, his wife recalled him whispering, “It is beautiful over there.” He was a scientist and a very factual man. Other great minds have come to the same conclusion. American scholar William James said the brain is a medium of the soul’s existence. When we die, our new brain will be able to reach untapped areas of understanding.

Euripides and Socrates both felt the next life would be on a much greater level. Socrates even said, “No evil can befall a good man in this life or next.”

A scientist named Natalie Kalmus shared a story about the death of her sister Eleanor that illustrates this idea. Her dying sister asked that Natalie not allow the doctors to give her pain medication because she wanted to be fully aware of every sensation as she approached death, very confident that she was entering eternal life.

When she was close to death, she called out the names of those she saw—loved ones who had passed before her. One was a cousin who had died the previous week, and Eleanor didn’t even know this cousin had died.

Peale has heard numerous similar stories about this kind of phenomenon, leading him to believe that loved ones who are called out by name are actually seen by the dying person. Those people are present, perhaps in a different dimension or frequency cycle.

Think of an electric fan. You can see all the blades when it’s off or on low speed. At high speed, however, the blades seem transparent. Perhaps a person entering into a higher frequency gets glimpses of a new reality.

How to cure a heartache

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Here’s what you’ll find in our full The Power of Positive Thinking summary:

  • That there is no problem or obstacle you can’t overcome with faith, positive thinking, and prayer
  • The practical techniques of applied Christianity
  • How to take control of the events in your life rather than be directed by them
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How to cure a heartache

Darya Sinusoid

Darya’s love for reading started with fantasy novels (The LOTR trilogy is still her all-time-favorite). Growing up, however, she found herself transitioning to non-fiction, psychological, and self-help books. She has a degree in Psychology and a deep passion for the subject. She likes reading research-informed books that distill the workings of the human brain/mind/consciousness and thinking of ways to apply the insights to her own life. Some of her favorites include Thinking, Fast and Slow, How We Decide, and The Wisdom of the Enneagram.

How to cure a heartache

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  • How to cure a heartache

How to cure a heartache

How to cure a heartache

How to cure a heartache

How to cure a heartache

How to cure a heartache

Someone you really love goes out of your life. You lose a part of yourself and your heart fills up with frustration, anxiety, and worry. At times like this, you think only about one thing- how to stop heartache?

Well, how to deal with it?

If physical pain is the pain in your body, then emotional pain is the pain in your soul. The healing process may take a little more time and effort. It’s a hard thing to go through. And, unfortunately, almost everyone knows what it is but not everyone knows how to move on from it.

Here are the best ways to remove emotional pain and feel free to enjoy life again.

Table of Contents

Feel Your Pain

How to cure a heartache

Emotional pain will vanish if you accept it. It seems so obvious but actually, it is the most difficult part of the healing process.

Let yourself experience some suffering for a little while because it’s normal to feel sad after breaking up with someone you loved. In such way, you can reboot and prepare yourself for something new.

Change Your Routine

A lot of things will remind you of your failed relationship.

To lessen the pain from such memories, you have to change your life a little bit. Change your habits, try new things or the way how you do things. Move furniture in your flat, listen to the new trend in music, and so on.

Let’s start right now as there isn’t any room in your new life for the person who broke your heart.

Communicate with People

Don’t ever try to live off the grid after breaking up. Conversely, you have to spend more time with your relatives, friends, and people who can really support you during this crucial phase.

You can help someone in need or those struggling with pain, too. It’ll give you the chance to spend time away from your grief and self-pity.

Try Meditation

How to cure a heartache

Meditation is a good technique to stop emotional pain. It heals your soul and clears your mind of negative thoughts, which weaken your emotions and hurt your being. Through meditation, you’ll reach a pleasant state where you can visualize yourself happy, loving, and joyful again.

It allows you to reverse the physiological effects of your painful heartbreak, get rid of toxic emotions, and reopen the possibility of a new relationship.

Final Thoughts

Heartbreak is terrible and there’s no doubt about it!

However, it is in your hands to make this period a little bit easier. Don’t bet on a quick fix because you’ll need time to recover. Cure your heartache and realize that there’s no turning back.

Life goes on. Accept your pain but don’t dwell on it. Meditate to reprogram your brain but don’t withdraw into your shell. With those things, you’ll easily know how to stop heartache.

We’ve cling to nothing, no attachments and no bond to not to being suffered. But as a layman it’s going through all and face sorrow and like mind is lost. It’s same I loose my mind. I don’t feel nothing for what things hurt me, feel barren. Don’t feels normal. How can I become normal again and feel happy?

How to cure a heartache

3 Answers 3

In a comment you wrote, “I wander to find one in my nearest city but I return back with nothing. It’s little bit hard.”

I’m thinking that you still have Dhamma when you don’t have Sangha.

I think you don’t “cure” pain, but Dhamma might teach you to recognize it when it arises: e.g. something triggers a feeling of sorrow, and you can note, “this is sorrow”.

Eventually (if the experience is repeated) you learn to recognize what triggers sorrow, and perhaps you choose to not grasp (not hold to, attach to) the situation and/or sequence of thoughts which lead to sorrow.

In addition there are things you can do as a lay-person which may lead to non-sorrow. For example the practice of ethics (sila), behaving ethically, should result in a “lack of remorse”. Or “identity view” results in sorrow, for which a converse might be anatta, sunyata, dana, and so on. And it’s important to have or find good friends (who, you might find if you choose to join good communal activities).

Also there are things you might do to look after yourself medically, which might help your mood. For example I read an article recently where someone was describing how their doctor treated them for clinical depression: their treatment required therapy and eventually drugs, but the first thing the doctor told her was that, even if she took sick leave from her job, she should keep up her physical exercise — in her case, running up-hill in the morning. Being depressed she didn’t feel like exercising as she used to, but she found someone else to do it with, which (scheduling an appointed time to do it with someone else) helped to motivate her to do it regularly. What I’m saying is that I’m pretty sure that medical doctors recommend physical exercise as a treatment for heartache.

Also you mention “normal” twice. I suppose you’re thinking of some time in the past as “normal” but I’m not sure there’s such a thing. Things are impermanent, people die for example, you can’t afford to think of the past as normal and the present as abnormal.

Changing your expectations might help too: if you expect to be happy and normal, and you’re not, then you’re surprised and unhappy. If you expect that desires and attachments cause sorrow then you’re not so surprised and, having recognized “this is sorrow” and “this is the cause of sorrow” you may be better able to condition cessation of that sorrow.

Whether you’re pining over an ex or fixated on a crush, this animation from School of Life offers three ways to move on.

  • By Nicole Bayes-Fleming
  • April 5, 2019
  • Relationships

How to cure a heartacheanetlanda/Adobe Stock

Since the doomed days of Romeo and Juliet, our society has been inundated with books, movies and songs about longing, heartbreak, and lost love. But in this video from School of Life, Alain de Botton explains how romanticizing that kind of narrative may prevent us from seeking out the love we truly deserve.

“This sort of unrequited passion – so often celebrated in literature and society more generally – may sound generous and in that sense loving, but a devotion to an unrequited situation is, in truth, a clever way of ensuring we won’t end up in a relationship at all; that we won’t ever need to suffer the realities of love,” he explains.

Whether you’re pining over someone who broke it off, or can’t stop thinking about a crush who could have been the one, here are three ways to move on from heartbreak:

1. Confront your fears

Longing for someone after an unexpected break-up is natural, but if you still find yourself fixated on an ex-partner months—or even years—later, it often has less to do with missing them and more to do with protecting yourself from being hurt again.

“The fear of love may be motivated by a range of factors: a squeamishness around hope, a self-hatred which makes someone else’s love feel eerie, or a fear of self-revelation which breeds a reluctance to let anyone into the secret parts of ourselves,” de Botton says.

What fears or insecurities cause you to dwell on the past? Have you created a story in your mind about why things didn’t work out? Letting go of them is the first step to moving on.

Rather than focusing on the motives of an unresponsive ex, de Botton recommends looking inwards. What fears or insecurities cause you to dwell on the past? Have you created a story in your mind about why things didn’t work out? Letting go of them is the first step to moving on.

2. Consider what worked

When you can’t stop thinking about someone who left or rejected you, many of us are guilty of only focussing on their flaws, and perhaps denying that we ever truly cared for them in the first place.

Instead, de Botton recommends focussing on what it was that attracted you to that person, before things went south—like their dry sense of humour, their dedication to their career, or a shared love of cheesy movies.

“[We] come to see that the qualities we admired in the ex must necessarily exist in other people who don’t have the set of problems that made the original relationship impossible,” de Botton says.

Ultimately, you’ll realize they weren’t all that special—and you can find someone else who will watch your favourite movie with you again and again.

3. Get back out there

It’s certainly easier said than done, but the most effective way to get over someone is often to start dating again.

Doing so not only distracts you from thinking about your ex, but it also helps remind you that there are other people in the world who are interested in getting to know you more deeply.

“True love isn’t to be equated with pining for an absent figure; it means daring to engage with a truly frightening prospect: a person who is available and thinks, despite our strong background suppositions to the contrary, that we’re really rather nice,” de Botton concludes.