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How to date a mormon

Dating is probably one of the most common questions people have about Mormons—especially if you’re interested in dating one! Mormon teenagers are instructed not to date until they are at least 16 years old, and then are encouraged to avoid dating the same person too seriously. Though most Mormon youth follow the “no dating until 16” rule pretty firmly, specific dating rules vary somewhat based on the individual and their family rules. Some Mormon youth choose only to go on group dates, others may date one person more seriously.

How to date a mormonWhen getting serious with one person, you obviously become more physically comfortable, which can make it more difficult to keep certain higher standards. Dating seriously in high school may also make the decision to go on a mission (when guys turn 19) more difficult since many girls don’t succeed in waiting those two years before marrying someone else. However, if the couple knows what each other’s standards and goals are they can help each other uphold them. Though it can work out, youth leaders and most parents encourage teenagers to avoid dating seriously because it is generally the best and easiest way to uphold your standards.

A common misconception is that Mormons won’t date non-Mormons. In the For Strength of Youth pamphlet it states:

Date only those who have high standards and in whose company you can maintain your standards. A young man and a young woman on a date are responsible to help each other maintain their standards and to protect each other’s honor and virtue.

Some Mormons choose only to date other Mormons because they know that their standards and understood, but that is a personal choice and not one set by the Church.

As of 2011, there were approximately 55,000 full-time Mormon missionaries serving throughout the world for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (which is often misnamed the “Mormon Church”). These young men, young women, and senior couples are typically 19 to 26 years old (or retired age for the couples) and have taken a break from their studies, careers, and personal lives to serve the Lord.

How to date a mormonYoung women typically serve for 18 months, young men for 24, and senior couples may serve from 6 months to 24 months. During the time that they serve, Mormon missionaries are expected to live very high standards. Missionaries are official representatives of the Church—how they act reflects upon the “Mormon Church.”

What are some examples of the common rules for Mormon missionaries?

  • Arise at 6:30 a.m. and go to bed at 10:30 p.m.
  • Stay with your assigned companion (another missionary of the same gender, or one’s spouse for senior couples).
  • Do not date or be alone with members of the opposite sex (not pertinent to senior couples).
  • Do not participate in certain dangerous activities (e.g., water sports, winter sports, motorcycling).
  • Do not watch television or use the Internet (except to write e-mails to family members, according to mission rules).

There are additional guidelines given to Mormon missionaries similar to those above. Mission rules may vary from mission to mission, according to the mission president and his assessment of the needs of missionaries under his care. While some people may look at these rules and think, “Why is that rule necessary?”, it is important to remember why Mormons serve missions.

When Mormons choose to serve missions, it is a choice to dedicate the next several months in full-time service to help others learn more about Jesus Christ and His gospel. Therefore, the rules are designed to help missionaries keep their focus and spend their time wisely. Many of the rules are also established for the safety of the Mormon missionaries who work all across the world, many in dangerous areas. By keeping the mission rules, missionaries are more likely to be safe and protected.

Ever since I entered the dating world at the healthy age of 19 I’ve had people telling me I shouldn’t, neigh! Couldn’t date non-Mormons. This started happening a lot more when I started dating my now husband.

And funnily enough, SOOOO many people couldn’t believe that a Mormon was dating a non-Mormon. And they would say that to me. Constantly.

“Can a Mormon date a non-Mormon?”

Believe you me, it wasn’t Mormons saying it. It was non-mormons! It blew my mind! It’s almost like they’d try and convince me that it wasn’t allowed. I felt like I always had to defend myself and my relationship. Which, in my opinion, is completely ridiculous.

I’m under the impression that I can date whoever I darn well please. Me and every other person out there!

However annoying it may be to hear, it does have an origin.

For many moons people have been asking “Can a Mormon date a non-Mormon?” In 1981, the late prophet President Thomas S. Monson counseled,

“You young people … have an important responsibility in choosing not only whom you will date but also whom you will marry. President Gordon B. Hinckley admonished: ‘Your chances for a happy and lasting marriage will be far greater if you will date those who are active and faithful in the Church.’”

Let me explain, essentially he’s saying that it’s easier for members to date members. Why? Because we share the same beliefs, religion, and lifestyle. I think that’s true of anyone.

We tend to have more successful relationships with people who share our values.

That being said even being with people who do believe the same as you can be rough. Scratch that… People can be rough! Dealing with personalities are rough!

Another Latter-Day Prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley, said in 2001,

“While you should be friendly with all people, select with great care those whom you wish to have close to you. They will be your safeguards in situations where you may vacillate between choices, and you in turn may save them.”

He’s saying that in general, we should select our forever lovers with great care. In my opinion, this goes for all our friends, too. Like I said above it’s about the personality more than anything.

And just one more solid piece of relationship advice…

I’ll leave this quote by Elder Jeffry R. Holland here.

“In a dating and courtship relationship, I would not have you spend five minutes with someone who belittles you, who is constantly critical of you, who is cruel at your expense and may even call it humor.”

In my *dating career, I have dated exactly three non-members and four members.

And have been defending my answer to the question “Can a Mormon date a non-Mormon?” since…

My experiences with all these young men was exceedingly different and unique. I laughed a little, cried a little, and over all realized that for me, I cared more for their values than their beliefs than anything else. That being said, it is infinitely easier to date people in ones same belief/value realm.

To answer the long posed question of “Can a Mormon date a non-Mormon?” Yes. A Mormon can date a non-Mormon! The people who Mormons shouldn’t date are dweebs, jerks, and belittlers. Actually, nobody should date people like that. Am I right? Yes. Yes I am.

All that being said, all these reasons are why I started dating my now husband.

He doesn’t belittle me, he’s not a jerk, we value the same things, we have the same goals, and overall, we respect each other. We love our differences and our similarities.

In fact, on pre-date one, we had an intense talk about our ‘non-negotiables’.

I told him what mine were… No porn ever. I date to get married and didn’t want to get stuck in dating limbo. We would have one year to decide if we wanted to get married and the following year to get married. If sometime during that first year we decided we didn’t want to get married, we’d break up because I want kids! That baby box ain’t getting any younger! And finally, my kids would be raised in the Church because I love the values it teaches the youths.

His only non-negotiable was “You won’t force me to be Mormon” to which I said, “No problem!” I would never force anyone to be Mormon because that’s not how it works.

I had never started a relationship like this before and figured I’d give it a shot.

Turns out, direct communication works miracles. Who’da thunk? We actually give credit to this conversation for our relationship working out. It set the tone.

I hope this article will help you in your dating choices!

Care to read more about what Mormons can and cannot do or what we may or may not believe in? Click HERE . And thank you for reading!

Further Information:

*Dating for me is where there is a defined relationship. Like having ‘the talk’.

Ever since I entered the dating world at the healthy age of 19 I’ve had people telling me I shouldn’t, neigh! Couldn’t date non-Mormons. This started happening a lot more when I started dating my now husband.

And funnily enough, SOOOO many people couldn’t believe that a Mormon was dating a non-Mormon. And they would say that to me. Constantly.

“Can a Mormon date a non-Mormon?”

Believe you me, it wasn’t Mormons saying it. It was non-mormons! It blew my mind! It’s almost like they’d try and convince me that it wasn’t allowed. I felt like I always had to defend myself and my relationship. Which, in my opinion, is completely ridiculous.

I’m under the impression that I can date whoever I darn well please. Me and every other person out there!

However annoying it may be to hear, it does have an origin.

For many moons people have been asking “Can a Mormon date a non-Mormon?” In 1981, the late prophet President Thomas S. Monson counseled,

“You young people … have an important responsibility in choosing not only whom you will date but also whom you will marry. President Gordon B. Hinckley admonished: ‘Your chances for a happy and lasting marriage will be far greater if you will date those who are active and faithful in the Church.’”

Let me explain, essentially he’s saying that it’s easier for members to date members. Why? Because we share the same beliefs, religion, and lifestyle. I think that’s true of anyone.

We tend to have more successful relationships with people who share our values.

That being said even being with people who do believe the same as you can be rough. Scratch that… People can be rough! Dealing with personalities are rough!

Another Latter-Day Prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley, said in 2001,

“While you should be friendly with all people, select with great care those whom you wish to have close to you. They will be your safeguards in situations where you may vacillate between choices, and you in turn may save them.”

He’s saying that in general, we should select our forever lovers with great care. In my opinion, this goes for all our friends, too. Like I said above it’s about the personality more than anything.

And just one more solid piece of relationship advice…

I’ll leave this quote by Elder Jeffry R. Holland here.

“In a dating and courtship relationship, I would not have you spend five minutes with someone who belittles you, who is constantly critical of you, who is cruel at your expense and may even call it humor.”

In my *dating career, I have dated exactly three non-members and four members.

And have been defending my answer to the question “Can a Mormon date a non-Mormon?” since…

My experiences with all these young men was exceedingly different and unique. I laughed a little, cried a little, and over all realized that for me, I cared more for their values than their beliefs than anything else. That being said, it is infinitely easier to date people in ones same belief/value realm.

To answer the long posed question of “Can a Mormon date a non-Mormon?” Yes. A Mormon can date a non-Mormon! The people who Mormons shouldn’t date are dweebs, jerks, and belittlers. Actually, nobody should date people like that. Am I right? Yes. Yes I am.

All that being said, all these reasons are why I started dating my now husband.

He doesn’t belittle me, he’s not a jerk, we value the same things, we have the same goals, and overall, we respect each other. We love our differences and our similarities.

In fact, on pre-date one, we had an intense talk about our ‘non-negotiables’.

I told him what mine were… No porn ever. I date to get married and didn’t want to get stuck in dating limbo. We would have one year to decide if we wanted to get married and the following year to get married. If sometime during that first year we decided we didn’t want to get married, we’d break up because I want kids! That baby box ain’t getting any younger! And finally, my kids would be raised in the Church because I love the values it teaches the youths.

His only non-negotiable was “You won’t force me to be Mormon” to which I said, “No problem!” I would never force anyone to be Mormon because that’s not how it works.

I had never started a relationship like this before and figured I’d give it a shot.

Turns out, direct communication works miracles. Who’da thunk? We actually give credit to this conversation for our relationship working out. It set the tone.

I hope this article will help you in your dating choices!

Care to read more about what Mormons can and cannot do or what we may or may not believe in? Click HERE . And thank you for reading!

Further Information:

*Dating for me is where there is a defined relationship. Like having ‘the talk’.

    Mormonism

There Is a Way to Witness to Mormons

  • Issue Date: January/February 1985

The following suggestions, written after years of experience by John L. Smith, are adapted from his book, “Witnessing Effectively to Mormons”.

“The biggest problem we face in dealing with a Mormon is in ‘getting him lost,'” writes John L. Smith. “He does not feel that he is a sinner, rather, he is a god in embryo. He believes that ‘As man is, God once was, as God is, man may become.'”

“That God has parents, maybe a thousand wives, that every man can become a god and might attain the position God now has, that God married Mary to produce Jesus, then gave her to Joseph to be his wife during the “mortal state” and may, “after the resurrection, again take her as one of his own wives to raise up immortal spirits in eternity.” (Orson Pratt, The Seer, page 158.)

“He doesn’t believe the Bible without question. He reserves the right to consider any passage ‘mistranslated’ that he cannot make teach what Mormonism professes to believe.”

“He believes that Christ and the Devil are brothers. Early Mormon apostles taught that Christ was a polygamist.”

Mormons Don’t Respect Bible

To start with the Bible, using traditional witnessing methods, will get you nowhere. You must first turn his own books against him, and make him question the teachings of his church.

Smith asks the Mormon, “What is your concept of God? Do you believe He has a body? Do you believe He had a father, mother, brothers, sisters, wives, arms, legs and a body?”

“Do you believe ‘As man is, God once was, as God is, man may become?'” Smith says, “most all Mormons know this couplet though they do not usually know its source.”

Smith then asks, “Does your book teach that God and Christ are two Gods? Is he progressing?” (They would answer yes.)

“Surely your book, The Book of Mormon, teaches what you believe about God. Show me; show me one verse in your most distinctive book that teaches what you profess to believe about God.”

Mormons believe The Book of Mormon teaches with “much greater clarity and perfection that those same doctrines revealed in the Bible. Anyone who will place in parallel columns the teachings of these two great books on such subjects. will find conclusive proof of the superiority of The Book of Mormon teachings. “

“Take away The Book of Mormon and the revelations and where is our religion? We have none.” (Mormon Doctrines, 1966, page 99).

The Book of Mormon Refutes Mormon Doctrine

But instead of supporting these Mormon doctrines, The Book of Mormon will refute them. Smith offers the following list of The Book of Mormon references which will declare that God is spirit, eternal, unchanging, and that the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost are one (contrary to Mormon teaching):

1) The testimony of the Three Witnesses concludes with “And honor be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost, which is one God.”

2) “And I spake concerning the convincing of the Jews. that Jesus is the very Christ. that Jesus is The Christ, the Eternal God.” (2 Nephi 26:12)

3) “For do we not read that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever and in Him there is no variableness neither shadow of changing?” (Mormon 9:9)

4) “For I know that God is not a partial God, neither a changeable being; but he is unchangeable from all eternity to all eternity.” (Moroni 8:18)

Once you have shown him that his own Book of Mormon does not teach what he believers, you can point out that you would have to reject his doctrine if you believed his book, or reject his book if you believed his doctrine.

Mormonism Cannot Save

The purpose of all this is to show that Mormonism cannot do what it claims, that those who trust it are left as sinners, lost, and in need of the only One who can provide the “resurrection” that all Mormons wish to have.

Jesus said He is the only way (John 14:6) and no one can come to God but through Him.

Remember — before you can show a Mormon he is a sinner, you must show him that Mormonism is not what it claims to be! Only then can he believe that he is lost. You can then present the Gospel of the Bible as you would to any other lost person.

Space here does not permit the wealth of examples and wisdom of Smith’s book on witnessing to Mormons. We highly recommend you read it through before you start.

  • See more articles on related topics:
  • Mormonism
  • Witness to Mormons

How to date a mormon

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How to Know Who to Marry

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How to date a mormon

After following the basic LDS dating rules and guidelines the time will come when you’re ready to work towards a temple marriage. How will you know who to marry? Prepare yourself through proper dating and courtship and learn how to build a strong relationship by ​dating for a sufficient time, becoming best friends, choosing the right person, building a foundation upon Jesus Christ.

Courtship Takes Time

One of the most important aspects of the courtship process, which is unfortunately often lacking in LDS dating, is the very important need to spend ample time together. Although LDS dating online can be an opportunity to meet other singles, it is extremely important to date face-to-face for a long enough period of time. A few brief dates, followed by a whirlwind engagement and marriage, does not build a solid foundation for marriage. Such a sandy foundation will not hold firm when the storms of life come- and they always come.

Avoiding Divorce

Having gone through a painful divorce myself, I wish I had known and followed Elder Oaks dating and courtship advice:

“The best way to avoid divorce from an unfaithful, abusive, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person. If you wish to marry well, inquire well. Associations through ‘hanging out’ or exchanging information on the Internet are not a sufficient basis for marriage. There should be dating, followed by careful and thoughtful and thorough courtship. There should be ample opportunities to experience the prospective spouse’s behavior in a variety of circumstances” (Dallin H. Oaks, ” Divorce,” Ensign, May 2007, 70–73).

Don’t let yourself get caught up in the moment by jumping into marriage when you’re still in the stage of infatuation and attraction. Take the time necessary to allow your relationship (and knowledge of the one you’re dating) to properly form a sure foundation.

Becoming Best Friends

When you’ve fallen in love with someone it’s easy to believe that you are the best of friends and will always feel the way you do, but falling in love is a temporary emotion, one that eventually fades. It’s important when courting that you take the time to develop a strong friendship with the one you’re dating.

“Bruce C. Hafen has compared relationships between men and women to a pyramid. The base of the pyramid is friendship, and the ascending layers include building blocks such as understanding, respect, and restraint. At the very top is what he terms a ‘glittering little mystery called romance.’ If one tries to stand the pyramid on its point, expecting romance to hold everything else up, the pyramid will fall (” The Gospel and Romantic Love,” Ensign, Oct. 1982, p. 67)” (Jonn D. Claybaugh, ” Dating: A Time to Become Best Friends,” Ensign, Apr 1994, 19).

Building a strong friendship will happen over time as you learn how to communicate together, discuss life’s important issues, and have a variety of experiences together.

Choosing the Right Person

Here are some things to look for in a potential spouse. Do they:

  • love God and others
  • value marriage and family
  • respect you
  • respect themselves
  • have good mental and emotional health
  • maintain self-control
  • honor their parents
  • obey the commandments
  • fulfill church callings including home/visiting teaching?

President Gordon B. Hinckley said:

“Choose a companion you can always honor, you can always respect, one who will complement you in your own life, one to whom you can give your entire heart, your entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty” (” Life’s Obligations,” Ensign, Feb 1999, 2).

Seeking the Perfect Person

Although it is extremely important to date those who have high standards and to observe a potential spouse’s behavior, it’s also important to remember that no one is perfect. Elder Richard G. Scott warns against focusing too heavily on seeking a perfect companion:

“I suggest that you not ignore many possible candidates who are still developing these attributes, seeking the one who is perfected in them. You will likely not find that perfect person, and if you did, there would certainly be no interest in you. These attributes are best polished together as husband and wife” (” Receive the Temple Blessings,” Ensign, May 1999, 25)

Working Towards a Temple Marriage

Dating and courtship is the time to continue to prepare for a temple marriage. Being sealed to a spouse in the temple is the greatest covenant one can make with God- and can only be achieved as a companionship. A temple wedding seals a husband and wife together for all time and eternity- meaning they will be together again after this life- and is necessary for exaltation.

Keeping the Law of Chastity

While working towards a temple marriage when dating, a couple must keep God’s law of chastity, one of the basic guidelines of LDS dating. This means not engaging in premarital sex or any kind of sexual activity (which includes petting with or without clothes on). Engaging in fornication breaks one of God’s most important commandments and requires repentance.

Keeping God’s commandment to wait to have sexual relations until after marriage is part of remaining clean and pure. It also shows obedience to God and His commandments, as well as respect for yourself and those you date.

Relationship Founded Upon Jesus Christ

If you want to have a happy, healthy marriage then it’s necessary to build a proper foundation upon the teachings of Jesus Christ. Some excellent ways to do this are to do the following together:

  • Family Home Evening
  • Scripture study
  • Church attendance
  • Temple attendance
  • Prayer
  • Share testimonies
  • Church activities
  • Institute classes
  • Serve each other and others

Having continuous spiritual experiences together will help build a relationship founded upon Jesus Christ and his teachings.

Making a Decision to Marry

The time will come when you will want to know if the person you are dating is the one you should marry. The Lord taught Oliver Cowdery how to know the truth:

“But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.
“But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong,” ( D&C 9:8-9).

This means you must FIRST go through the dating and courtship process and learn for yourself if the one you are dating is right for you. Then you must make a decision and pray about it, and the Lord will answer you. (See 10 Ways to Prepare for Personal Revelation.)

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Mormon people tend to be sincere, dedicated, and generally all-around nice people. Foundational to their belief system is that they belong to the one true church. According to their church leaders, the Mormon Church is the only right religion on the face of the earth. They will gladly say that all religions have some truth, but no other pastor, bishop, priest or spiritual leader has any spiritual authority except for the leaders of their Church.

Depending on how committed the Mormon person is to their church, you can expect varying degrees of insistence that you yourself become a Mormon. If the person you are dating is a faithful, committed Mormon the expectation will be that sooner or later you will convert, with the greatest pressure (if not an absolute condition) on you to convert a year before marriage so you can be married in a Mormon temple. For more on what this entails see this article on temple marriages by a former Mormon:

If the person you are dating is a nominally committed Mormon, there will still be a desire for you to convert and undoubtedly requests for you to take the Mormon Missionary lessons as part of the conversion process. However, the person may not insist that you become a Mormon before marriage, though you will generally be thought to have a second-class marriage if you are “unequally yoked,” i.e., if you’ve not joined the one true church.

If the person you are dating is a cultural Mormon, or non-practicing, or inactive member, they may not care if you join the Mormon Church or not. They will however, still hold some unique doctrinal beliefs that it would be good that you were aware of. Here are a couple of examples taken from our article on Mormon belief, which I’d encourage you to read in full, if you have not already.

  1. The Bible has many errors, changes, and omissions and must be understood using the Mormon scriptures as explained by the LDS Church’s prophets.
  2. God the Father was once a man like us but is now God, our Heavenly Father.
  3. We are all eternal, uncreated spirits who became the literal offspring of our Heavenly Father and Mother.
  4. Jesus Christ was the firstborn spirit son of our heavenly parents and is the literal elder spirit brother of all of their other spirit children, including Lucifer (Satan). He became a God in heaven before becoming a mortal man.
  5. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are three separate Gods with three separate bodies (the first two of flesh and bone, the third of spirit).
  6. Jesus Christ organized this world with the help of others, under the direction of Heavenly Father and the Council of the Gods; his helpers included Adam and perhaps Joseph Smith.

As you can see from these examples, much of Mormon teaching regarding God and Jesus is not based on the Bible, and Mormonism as a religious system is not true Christianity. A true Christian church should never claim to be the ONLY true Church. Mormons do use certain Bible verses (though these are often taken out of context) to support some of their beliefs and teaching, and they do have a good and proper emphasis on family and morality, but these elements alone don’t make any church Christian.

For other perspectives on life as a Mormon you may want to read some of the stories on our Stories page.

How to date a mormon

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Meeting LDS Singles Online

Far from being a new phenomenon, meeting LDS singles online has been a popular way to find love for over 20 years. With more and more success couples in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it’s only natural for more and more Mormon singles to want to see what all the fuss is about! Fast becoming the best way to meet prospective partners outside your ward or community, it’s easy to understand why. Now Mormon dating online is being taken into the mainstream – with plenty of eligible LDS dating sites to choose from, it’s all about finding the right one for you…

LDS Dating with EliteSingles

The chance to meet great people online is just one of the reasons to start LDS dating with EliteSingles. Offering you support throughout your online dating experience, complete our easy registration process to get your love life on the right track with America’s leading dating site for professionals.

So just who uses EliteSingles? Our members come from a diverse range of backgrounds, but the things they tend to have in common are a good education, a mature outlook on life and a desire to find a committed relationship. 85% of our members are highly educated, and the average age of our members is in the mid-forties (though ages frequently range between 30-55 years old.)

While other, more niche LDS dating sites offer a higher proportion of LDS singles, our site attracts thousands of new registrations every week – put faith in our intelligent matchmaking system to find the very best matches for you. You can search through profiles using our ‘Have you met…’ feature, but we’ll send you between 3-7 new profiles each day that we think are worthy of your consideration, which means you won’t have to trawl through countless bad matches to find ‘the one’. This is dating made simple!

LDS Singles: Mormon Dating Tips

Is there a special way to woo LDS singles? Probably not. The vast majority of our members just want to keep things simple early on – there’s no need to overcomplicate things, just take the time to get to know one another and sense whether your beliefs, personalities and ambitions are indeed compatible. It’s the best way to gurantee yourself a second date!

There are plenty more great reasons to sign up with EliteSingles, including ways in which we support you in your search for love – check out the section below and learn how to get the most out of our service. Meet LDS singles with us today!

How to date a mormon

One of the great advantages of using a premium dating service such as EliteSingles is that you can be sure that your fellow members are serious about their search for love. With many members looking for a long-lasting relationship, you’ll find lots of marriage-minded here. Serious about your search for love? Hoping to make a commitment? You’ve come to the right place!

How to date a mormon

Yet another reason to sign up, you can download the EliteSingles mobile app for iOS and Android devices. While other, more niche, LDS dating sites can’t offer this service, we think it’s important for you to be able to find love on the go. Finding the time to fit dating into your busy schedule is hard enough – with our handy app, you can find lasting love wherever you are.

How to date a mormon

We’re rooting for your every success, so are on hand to give you helpful tips. First time dating online? Read our handy guide to writing a successful dating profile. Want to know what to talk about on a first date? Read our list of top first date questions. Whatever the stage of your relationship, the expert dating advice in our online magazine will guide you through your journey to lasting love!

How to date a mormon

As a native of Salt Lake City, I was surrounded by religion on all sides, particularly the Mormon religion.

My parents were Mormon, my grandparents were Mormon, my cousins were Mormon, and my brothers and sisters were Mormon. Even my closest friends were Mormon. And I was Mormon.

Like most religions, there are different types of Mormons. There are Mormons who no longer want to be Mormon, Mormons who aren’t active Mormons but still consider themselves to be Mormon, and Mormons who try to live Mormonism to its fullest. My family belonged to that last group. Nobody in my family was ever inactive and that includes cousins and second cousins. We all went on missions (if male), married other Mormons in our early 20s, and began to multiply and replenish the earth as best and often as we could.

And yet here I am in my early 40s and things aren’t so clear for me anymore.

My religion has always been one of the most important parts of my life.

I voluntarily gave up two years of my life to serve a Mormon mission and even though things aren’t so clear to me now, I would do it all over again because of the lessons I learned on that mission. But life has a way of needling itself into a person’s soul and making one choose what is most important in life and I’ve chosen my family as the most important part of my life, even more important than my lifelong beliefs.

My wife grew up an agnostic girl from California who moved into Utah during highschool after her parents divorced. In her new-to-Utah eyes, Mormonism was a divisive force that classified kids in her highschool as Mormon or non-Mormon. The Mormons didn’t associate with the non-Mormons and the non-Mormons resented the Mormons. In our case, physical attraction had a way of putting the Mormon and non-Mormon classification to the side and shortly after my mission I began to date the woman who would someday become my wife. A year into dating, my wife made the choice to be baptized into Mormonism and we were married soon after with plans to start our family as soon as possible.

My wife’s decision to be baptized wasn’t one she took lightly.

It was only after my family made it clear that I could not date a non-Mormon girl that she considered joining the Mormon Church. She also knew how important my religion was to me and she knew I wouldn’t allow myself to marry a non-Mormon, so she initiated the missionary discussions and set her own date to be baptized. Once she was baptized she became fully committed to Mormonism and we began our lives as husband and wife under the guidance and direction of the Mormon faith. She sacrificed her religious autonomy to become my wife.

After our wedding, everything in my life was going according to plan. I graduated from college, got a decent job, bought a house, and had a few kids. But after almost 20 years together, everything fell apart. My wife left the Mormon Church, my job stagnated, and my wife decided she didn’t want to be married to me anymore.

I still remember the day. In tears, my wife informed me that she no longer wanted to be a part of the Mormon Church. She didn’t want to go to church on Sundays. She didn’t want to pray before dinner. She didn’t want to have the missionaries over for meals. And she didn’t want me to try to bring her back to the fold. It was all a shock to me because I didn’t have any indication prior to that phone call that my wife had been unhappy in the Mormon Church.

But now that I’ve had a chance to think about it I don’t know how she was able to survive as a Mormon as long as she did.

Together, we were active members of the Mormon Church for nearly two decades. We attended five different wards throughout that time and participated in Sunday meetings and other church activities. We showed up on time to our Sunday meetings, and we actively participated in our callings. We even went out of our way to invite others into our home in hopes we could fellowship them into membership. Despite our heavy involvement in the Mormon Church, my wife made a total of one friend from church over a 15 years. Just one. And she’s not the kind of person who struggles to make friends. My wife can take a trip to a random mall on a Saturday and come home with two friends, but send my wife to church every Sunday for 20 years and she’ll come home feeling hoplessly lost and alone.

I’m the partner in our marriage who struggles to make friends. As an introvert, I’m completely comfortable with the two or three good friends I have in this world, so I don’t go out of my way to look overly-friendly at church. But I still made more friends over that 20 year time span than my wife did. Why? I don’t know. It seemed like other lifelong Mormons didn’t know how to handle my wickedly smart and outspoken wife.

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Her honesty about the trials and struggles she faced in her life only seemed to make them uncomfortable. Members kept their distance from her, especially when she was openly struggling with faith and depression. The more she spoke up looking for solidarity and friendship, the more they backed away. My family and friends weren’t raised to talk about their feelings and emotions. We were told that our weaknesses were simply a lack of faith and that we should pray harder or come more closely to the Lord for comfort. Unfortunately, this method of thinking is pervasive in the Mormon religion, forcing many of those who struggle to gird up their loins and put on a happy face.

As my wife suffered through a pretty serious bout of depression, she made the decision to try and end our marriage.

How to date a mormonIt is widely believed that Mormons are religious people mostly associated with the church of Jesus Christ. Even though modern Mormons are slightly different from the previous ones but their roots are and will always be the same. The kind of teaching that they receive are strict and religious at the same time. Majority of the Mormon women believe in fate and destiny therefore most of them will never be seen chasing after men. They are strict with their rules and sometimes show a reserved attitude towards the male gender. For more than 200 years Mormons have been seen practice religion in their daily routine that includes going to church, praying and staying away from evil doings. Dating a Mormon girl isn’t that simple.

Pray That She Is Modern

If you’re wishing to date a Mormon girl, you must wish and pray that she is slightly modern and sees things differently. Modern Mormon women have been seen dating guys because their beliefs and values are slightly different from a typical Mormon girl. If you find a modern one, there is a good chance she will allow you to date her. All you have to do is speak the truth and go with the flow. Once he notices you, she might approach you herself making things easier for you.

Don’t Waste Time

After all, a girl is a girl whether Mormon or not therefore most of them think alike. A girl likes guys that are direct and to the point. Going around in circles and wasting time on unnecessary things is not the right way to go about things. If you like someone, make sure that she knows that in the best possible way and at the right time. Sometimes keeping things simple and to the point makes the entire Mormon dating process much easy and doable. No matter what kind of religious background she belongs to, after all, she’s a human being with a heart that can melt if you’re honest and direct.

Making Grand Gestures Can Backfire

If you’re planning to date a Mormon girl, you must know that she has been thought about rules and regulations all her life and making grand gestures might be a bit too early for you. You might want to buy a present or two once things start taking shape, but doing anything of the sort at the early stages might piss the lady off. A Mormon woman appreciates gestures as far as they are genuine and not do loud. As mentioned above, typical Mormon ladies are usually reserved and don’t have much exposure of the outside world therefore they don’t want their man to out of the way for even the simplest of things. Being honest, polite and to the point is key.

You Might Want To Know the Family

The best way to get liked and noticed is to try to impress the girl’s family. You can always find a way or two to introduce yourself to the Mormon family. Be their errand boy if need be. Once the family gets to know you, there is a good chance of getting their blessing.

Although I’m not a Mormon, I was a virgin throughout college. My reasoning to keep my hymen in tact was two-fold: 1) I was scared of sex because I was afraid of getting attached. What if I fell in love and the college boy who deflowered me ran? I had serious abandonment issues then, that scenario would have been a disaster, and 2) although I am a non-practicing Catholic, I still feared that having sex before marriage would deem me a sinner. Was I afraid of hell? Nah. But I was terrified of feeling tainted and that my potential future husband would declare me a hoer and run. (Those damn abandonment issues again!) So, what does a virgin in college do to get it in without getting it on? Apparently, it’s called Mormon soaking.

What the Heck Is Morning Soaking?

According to UrbanDictionary.com, Mormon soaking entails entering a penis inside a vagina sans motion in the ocean. So, a guy puts it in and just rests while his penis is inside of you. Like a sleepy dick taking a little dick siesta.

Why Is It Called Mormon Soaking?

The term is associated with Mormons who belong to the Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints. Allegedly, this technique of getting it in without getting it on is practiced often by students at Brigham Young University (BYU), which is a Mormon college in Salt Lake City, Utah. BYU has very strict rules to preserve the students’ sainthood because Mormons are strict AF. They can’t drink alcohol, tea, or coffee. They can’t smoke or gamble. They rarely eat meat. They can’t have premarital sex, view pornography, engage in same-sex relationships, or curse. They cannot date until 16 years old. And they must donate 10% of their income to the church.

Now, onto the subject at hand – Mormon soaking! Here is a step-by-step guide on what actually goes down:

  • Lay in a missionary position.
  • Remain motionless.
  • Ejaculate on her stomach. Because, apparently, men can get aroused enough from Mormon soaking to actually cum.

And there you have it! You have done it! You’ve managed to get aroused and maybe even orgasm while maintaining your virginity, wholesomeness, and purity.

Would I have tried Mormon soaking as a virgin back in the day in college? Probably not. I don’t think the guys I dated would have had the self-control to not wiggle, swerve, and hump while inside. Eventually, we would have had sex, especially since I wasn’t worried about condemnation, and neither were the guys that I dated or fooled around with in college. I may, however, give it a whirl today – for research purposes, of course. And because I’m a reborn virgin of sorts. It’s been a long long time folks, I may just need a little soak.

Partner With Us

Thousands of Mormon missionaries around the world are doing their best to make conversions to their church. However, there are some things they just won’t tell potential converts. Here is a list of 10 things every potential convert ought to know before submitting to baptism.

See other “10 reasons Why” articles by clicking here

  1. While the missionaries may claim that “they’re Christian too,” the fact of the matter is that Mormonism denies or distorts every fundamental teaching of the historical Christian church.
  2. Joseph Smith married other men’s wives and teenage girls, and the scholars all say sex was involved. This has even been admitted by the LDS Church. Also see here and here .
  3. When the missionaries baptize a person, that name becomes a part of the LDS Church records. If you ever leave the Mormon Church, you will remain there indefinitely unless you take the effort to get your name removed.
  4. You won’t be able to utilize the temple and perform the necessary works for you and your family unless you pay your tithe . If you don’t, you can always do back pay in what is called “ tithing settlement .” Thus, giving money is a requirement for exaltation .
  5. If you come from a Christian background, it may be difficult to understand the differences in the meanings of generic terms. Even if you ask the missionaries “what do you mean by that?” the meaning still might not be clear. This dictionary might provide some insight into the differences of the meanings.
  6. The cross and the work done upon it by Jesus is just not emphasized by the Mormon leadership .
  7. Joseph Smith is the only witness to the First Vision, and yet historical records prove that it didn’t happen the way the LDS Church says it happened . Also see this response to the Gospel Topic essay.
  8. The percentage of church growth is half of what it was 25 years ago and many are coming out in droves thanks to the Internet and more readily available resources. See here for the questions asked by a group of Swedish Latter-day Saints and their reaction to church history leaders.
  9. While many Mormons may claim their leaders are not paid, the fact is that thousands of Mormons (including the leadership) are full-time employees of the church, including seminary and institute teachers, mission presidents , full-time workers in various places around the world, and general authorities, just to name a few. See here. And according to LDS scripture, bishops really should be paid !
  10. There is no supporting evidence that the Book of Mormon was produced on gold plates or that there really were Book of Mormon peoples .

See other “10 reasons Why” articles by clicking here

How to date a mormonThe other night, over dinner with friends, we got to talking about dating in the LDS world. The demographics at the table: two married (not to each other), and three never-married or divorced. Since my divorce over three years ago, I’ve written here and there on my adventures in the dating scene, or what I like to think of as the Pool of Perpetual Enforced Adolescence, which some LDS websites non-ironically and with a straight face, call “Celestial Dating”.

Whether you’re LDS or not, dating past a certain age is just a slog. I do think there is a certain special level of hell to dating as an LDS single that one largely escapes when dating in the secular world. For LDS people, getting married is generally the benchmark in achieving the social status of adulthood; far more than in the secular world. For those of us who find ourselves unmarried— even if you were previously married— no matter how impressive your resume, career achievement or college degrees, in very manifest ways, we are still treated as adolescents. This applies to men and to women, incidentally.

In my own pool of LDS dating experience (I was married when I joined the church, so I have a fair amount of real experience in both worlds), I have two distinct impressions: the age imbalance is waaaay out of balance in LDS 31+ dating, and generally, we’re all nuts. Yes, I know it’s typical (just like height- see sidebar) for women to be slightly younger than their husbands. I’ll let someone else look up the stats, I’m too lazy. But by slightly, I imagine somewhere inside of 5 years to be average. What I found in the LDS dating as an over 30 divorced woman was that the men in my demographic, almost without fail, were fishing in the 20-year old pond. The men fishing in my pond? Well, with over 25 men contacting me from one LDS dating site, only one was within 5 years of my age. ONE. And three of the 25 were older than my father. I was very clear and honest about my age, my divorce, and that status of young children in my home.

On the converse side, a male dinner companion from the other night was telling about his dating site experience. He put up a nice photo of himself, with a sincere and honest profile. He got nothing. Nada. So in the spirit of sociological experimentation, he created a bombastic, misogynistic ***hole of an imaginary RM, with a picture of a super Mormon looking dude he cribbed from a google search, tossed in every buzzword he could imagine, and the hits started rolling. He sat back, agog. Some imaginary jerkwad who told women he would “preside over them in righteousness” while they “fulfilled their roll in the kitchen and bedroom” was getting all sorts of emails from cute girls with Utah hair and Shade t-shirts, while a real, genuine, nice guy was watching dust collect and listening to crickets chirp.

Back to the one guy who was in my demographic, age-wise: I agreed to go out on a date. We met for dinner at a local restaurant, and had sat down and were making small talk, but before the salads arrived, he jumped right into telling me how he was searching for his Eternal Companion, and wanted to begin his Eternal Family right away. Whoa, cowboy! I was clear in my profile that I already have three children. Aloud, I diplomatically try and remind him that if he’s in a rush to create an Eternal Family, I might not be the right woman for him to be dating. He looks at me, pleasant enough, and says “Well, what’s wrong with your uterus?” It’s a good thing the salad hadn’t arrived, I’d have choked. He continued, “It’s clear that it works, you have three kids, why would you not want to bring more of Heavenly Father’s sprits into the world?”

I never got my salad.

And this doesn’t even touch of the dates who asked me to go on a scavenger hunt, or to place ideas in a hat and pull them out for a fun date night. This baffles me. I’m not a child, I don’t need to be entertained, and at nearly 40, I certainly am not going to be giggly and effervescent about looking for clues to get to know someone. Lets sit down like adults and have a conversation, over a nice meal, and share our world-views and opinions, and maybe a funny story. Can we do that without distractions, gimmicks and discussing my reproductive parts on the first date? Can you ask for a second date without a little cute card tied to my windshield wiper or a balloon tied to my doorknob? I would find that darling for my daughter, at sixteen, being asked to the prom. For me? It’s scary.

It seems as though the extra pressure on LDS folks to marry, and thus achieve adulthood, has distorted us in some very important ways. My observation is that we are looking for cultural markers within the world of mormonism, sometimes (often?) more than we are looking at the actual human-being sitting across from us. This is evidenced in not only the messed up dynamic of dating I mention through my (admittedly particular) examples, but also in the formulaic expression of pairing off we see in LDS engagement photos, wedding announcements and in how weddings events are created (modest is hottest!) and celebrated. (If you want the template, look at the LDS wedding boards on Pinterest) Outward markers become so incredibly prevalent that I fear we are losing the very essence of our individuality in the quest to meet cultural expectation and out-mormon the next guy. That doesn’t bode well for marriages lasting through this world, let alone into the eternities.

By Sara LeDuc on Nov 18, 2021

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How to date a mormon

Attending a wedding of a culture other than your own can feel a little intimidating, as you may not know what to expect. Attending a Mormon wedding is no exception to this rule! If you’re going to be attending a wedding that celebrates this faith, we have all the details of what you can expect from it here.

A Sacred Vow

One of the distinguishing characteristics of the Mormon faith is that the church believes a marriage is meant for life on earth—but is also meant to last for all eternity. During a Mormon wedding ceremony, the bride and groom become “sealed.” This means that they are sealed together as husband and wife on earth and in Heaven eternally. Instead of the officiant saying “Til death do you part” like they do in many ceremonies, they’ll instead say, “For time and all eternity.” This promise is between the couple and with the Lord to cherish their relationship and honor God in it as well. Since this is a sacred experience for the newly married couple, photos or videos of the sealing are not permitted.

Who Can Attend?

How to date a mormon

If you want to attend a wedding ceremony at the Mormon church, you have to hold a special “temple recommend” in order to witness the couple’s sealing. This shows leaders of the church that you are part of the faith and keeping the commitments you made to the Lord. In other words, it allows you to enter His Holy House.

If you don’t have the “temple recommend” to enter into the ceremony, you will sit in a waiting room or wait right outside the Temple to greet the couple as soon as they make their way outside as man and wife. This is an exciting thing for a bride and groom to see everyone they love outside waiting for them and cheering them on, even if they weren’t allowed to be inside for the actual ceremony.

Outside Ring Ceremony

Most Mormon couples keep those who can’t enter for the ceremony in mind during their wedding festivities. For that reason, many couples opt to have a ring ceremony outside of the Temple so that everyone who couldn’t go outside can witness it. A ring ceremony is similar to what you’d see at a traditional wedding. Bridesmaids and groomsmen walk down the aisle, the couple exchanges vows and rings, and then there’s a first kiss at the end.

What About the Reception?

How to date a mormon

Mormon weddings, like their traditional counterparts, do include receptions. After all, everyone loves to celebrate the newly married couple, right? Something to keep in mind, though, is that most of these weddings are “dry,” which means that no alcohol is served. These events do feature music, dancing, a cake cutting ceremony, and even a garter toss. In those respects, this is very similar to most of the wedding receptions you’ve likely attended.

What About Gifts?

You’re probably wondering what is customary for gift giving at a Mormon wedding. Most Mormon couples register just like other couples, so gifts from their registry are always welcome! You shouldn’t bring whatever gift you choose to give the couple to the Temple. Instead, it should be given at the reception—much like regular receptions. At these events, there will likely be someone or a few individuals appointed to collect the gifts, and it may even be a child. This is normal, so don’t be alarmed if a child snags the gift from you when you arise!

Mormon weddings definitely have some things that make them different from weddings of other faiths, but that’s what makes them special! This guide should help you understand exactly what you can expect if you attend a Mormon wedding and points out some of those differences so you aren’t caught off-guard.

How to spot a player

How to date a mormon

No Guide to singlehood would be complete without a section on how to spot a player and some helpful experiments to try. This is not a complete list by any means, but I have found it helpful out in the field.

He talks about his wonderful mom, a lot.
Guys have heard that the way they treat their moms is the way they will treat their future wife and girls will watch for that. And while this does carry a lot of truth to it, talking about their mom is not the same. Since their mom is usually not around when you are interacting, they try to put her there by proxy in conversation. While a comment or two is good, more than that I have found is usually a sign of a genuine player.

You call him “player” and he gets upset.
This is like the litmus test for players. Easy to apply, just throw in a sarcastic joke about him being a player and if he turns red, it may be true. If he stays his original color, he may be good at covering up or just good. If he turns blue call an ambulance he’s probably needing medical attention.

He plays guitar, and flaunts it.
In a made-up survey of my own, over half of players play a guitar. Common songs and bands include “More Than Words” Third Eye Blind, Dashboard Confessional and for the super players, Jack Johnson. If he can play Dave Matthews, well just sit back and enjoy because he’s probably cool…um that was also in my made-up survey.

He looks at himself in the mirror more than the average guy.
Test this by having a conversation near a mirror aimed at his face. Leave the room for a brief period of time and observe at a distance.

He’s always trying to point out his physique.
This goes beyond the “Where’s the beach?” arm flexing routine. This may involve him pointing out a sore muscle from all of his gym activity, doing a dance that incorporates the ab wave, and showing you strange stunts like handstand pushups.

He spends more time on his hair than you.
Rough up his hair and see if he spends the rest of the night trying to undo the damage. If he has a flat iron, proceed with caution.

Carbon copied flattery.
He pays you a series of unique comments, you find have also been used on a series of other girls.
Note: Pay special attention to British blokes. Common phrases to them are rare jewels in the US and don’t carry the same intensity in their eyes. Calling you “love” saying “it’s a pleasure” and asking “you alright?” translate into: “girl” “nice chatting/see ya later” “how are ya?” This may be said without bad intent usually, but some do play up the ‘Hugh Grant’ factor. Don’t worry, a British guide is in the works with more details.

He gives out his phone number during his testimony, twice.
No kidding, this happened in one of my wards. Sweet guy, but a true player.

Spiritually showy.
Reads scriptures in very public places where he can be spotted easily magnifying his priesthood for the ladies.

I’m selling you on my future family.
Talks sentimentally about his future wife and kids the way a salesman would. Usually borrowing phrases you may have said already, to show how much you want the same thing, and how mating could be good for you.

I’m broken and only you can fix me.
You’ve just met, but he has faith that you can save him from his weaknesses. Gathering sympathy for past problems and using your charity to take advantage of the situation, does work very well for players. Knowing you don’t want to be judgmental, he’ll use your good naturedness to work his way in, and make you feel bad if you pull away “just like his ex-girlfriend/judgmental friend did”. If you see this, emergency evacuation.

Heavily invested in his car.
Big tires, loud speakers, tinted windows, peeling out in the driveway. He is trying to get everyone’s attention. Usually though, only the guys are lusting after that.

Sporting around you.
When you are together, he is more into watching the game, or playing PlayStation to notice you are completely bored out of your mind. Cheering on favorite teams or games here and there are fine of course. But if he’s more interested in entertaining himself than you, there could be some indications you are spending time with a player.

Other things include:
Wears expensive sunglasses in unnecessary situations.
Uses his phone to text during Church.

Why you don’t want a player
They are usually interested in the superficial, which will leave you feeling excited at first and then totally unfulfilled later. Kind of like a roller coaster that ends with you feeling nauseous. They may grow out of this phase eventually, just let them finish it completely before you jump in.

Well that’s my little list. Feel free to add more of your own stories in the comments below, or submit a question of your own at the tab above!

Youth in the Mormon Church are taught to wait until at least the age of 16 to begin dating and to date only those who have high moral standards. On a date, each is responsible to help each other preserve their standards and to protect each other’s honor and virtue. Mormon Prophet Spencer W. Kimball stated it this way: “In proper [dating] the partners must recognize that their first responsibilities are to encourage each other in righteous behavior and to sustain and support each other in righteous desires and ambitions. The young man will do anything to protect the young lady’s purity. Each partner will unselfishly seek the best for the other while they learn to know each other well.” [1]

For the Strength of Youth, a Church publication for young men and women ages 12-18, it states: “Do not date until you are at least 16 years old. Dating before then can lead to immorality, limit the number of other young people you meet and deprive you experiences that will help you choose an eternal partner.”

Continuing on with President Kimball’s statement: “If young people [date] one another without being sexually involved, they can more objectively determine whether they should proceed further or whether they should part and seek other more compatible companions. Tragically, [dating] is often misused today by those who either live together for sexual privileges or by those who [date] hastily and marry foolishly. In either situation the purposes of [dating] are not realized and the couple’s morality is corrupted. The world may countenance premarital sex experiences, but the Lord and [the Mormon] church condemn in no uncertain terms any and every sex relationship outside of marriage, and even indecent and uncontrolled ones within marriage.” [2]

Youth have been counseled that dating should not be without some measure of supervision. [3] Sometimes dating can be a barrier between youth and their parents. However, the involvement of parents is vital; in that communication and setting boundaries needs to be understood by both parents and youth. Parents do not come with a parenting handbook, which tells them what to say and how to act in every situation, especially when their children begin dating. It is mainly a do-it-yourself project, which takes communication and understanding from parents and youth alike. Each side requires patience and knowledge that each will make mistakes. Praying as a family before a teen leaves on a date brings the spirit and love, as well as recognition that each other’s thoughts and prayers will be with the other while apart.

Michael Ward

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Wednesday, July 16, 2014

First Date, Second Date, Can you even call that a date. Hey we’re getting married.

Nearly two years ago, I went on a date with a handsome man. We attended the same high school & reconnected several years after each of us had graduated.

Not to strange, right. People go on dates.

After having phone conversations, texting, & playing a few games of Ultimate Frisbee, I invited him to a haunted forest in our area. I asked him on our “first date”. That’s right, I’m not scared. Before the haunted forest, he wanted to go to Starbucks, & emphasized how badly he wanted hot chocolate. At first, when he mentioned Starbucks, I immediately thought about how I was told that he was a Mormon. I knew that if we were going to Starbucks, I would know for sure if he was Mormon or not. Everyone knows Mormons can’t drink coffee. We got there, & what did he order? He ordered a Mocha. which is coffee! A part of me was so excited, I just knew this meant he wasn’t Mormon. Then when he got the order & took a sip, he spit it out & said “yuck, this has coffee in it. disgusting” & threw it out.

I laugh at myself every time I think about that, my thoughts on is he a Mormon or not coffee or hot chocolate moment & his reaction to taking a sip of coffee. So, obviously, he is Mormon.

On our second date, I’ll never forget sitting in a local steak house as our dinner had been served hoping that he would offer a prayer. That had never happened on a first date. Well, I never had a lot of first dates anyway. Though I had always wanted that, for some reason that desire was stronger than it had every been. AND HE DID! I didn’t even have to ask. I was blown away & thanked him after. I still take time to thank him for that.

I must say though, we went on “dates” but apparently we were not dating- a concept I’ll never understand. Born in the wrong generation, perhaps?

Now, to the “Dad, I’m dating a Mormon.” Not only did my parents not know what to think about that, as I grew more fond of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, they definitely didn’t know what to think. Same goes with extended family & friends. I’ll save that for a rainy day.

We’ll now, I’m working on my Happily Every After. I’m marrying a Mormon! Fast story, right?

I knew I should have kept those entries & published a book “Dad, I’m dating a Mormon” but I thought it was silly at the time. Now here I am writing a blog called “Dad, I’m Dating a Mormon” when actually I’m marrying him.

Contents

  1. Mormon Beliefs
  2. Joseph Smith
  3. Joseph Smith Murdered
  4. Brigham Young
  5. Mormon Western Expansion
  6. Mountain Meadows Massacre
  7. Book of Mormon
  8. Mormon Church
  9. Mormon Polygamy
  10. Mormonism Today
  11. Sources

Mormons are a religious group that embrace concepts of Christianity as well as revelations made by their founder, Joseph Smith. They primarily belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, or LDS, which is headquartered in Salt Lake City, Utah, and has more than 16 million members worldwide. Another Mormon denomination, the Community of Christ, is centered in Independence, Missouri, and has about 250,000 members. The religion was officially founded in 1830 when The Book of Mormon was published.

Today, the LDS church is most prevalent in the United States, Latin America, Canada, Europe, the Philippines, Africa and parts of Oceania. While Mormons embrace many Christian beliefs, they have their own distinct set of philosophies, values and practices.

Mormon Beliefs

  • Mormons consider themselves Christians, but many Christians don’t recognize Mormonism as an official denomination.
  • Mormons believe in the crucifixion, resurrection and divinity of Jesus Christ. Followers claim that God sent more prophets after Jesus’s death. They say that the original church has been restored in modern times.
  • Mormons embrace four different texts: The Christian Bible, The Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants and The Pearl of Great Price.
  • According to the LDS church, Adam and Eve lived in Daviess County, Missouri after being driven from the Garden of Eden.
  • There are three levels of heaven—celestial, terrestrial and telestial—in Mormonism. Only those in the celestial kingdom will live in God’s presence.
  • Followers don’t recognize the Christian concept of the trinity (God existing in three persons). Instead, they believe the Father, Son and Holy Ghost are three separate gods.
  • The The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints considers Joseph Smith, who founded Mormonism, a prophet.
  • Mormons follow a strict healthy lifestyle that doesn’t allow them to consume alcohol, tobacco, coffee or tea.
  • Family life, good deeds, respect for authority and missionary work are important values in Mormonism.
  • Mormons practice clothing rituals that include wearing special undergarments that have religious significance. Known as the “temple garment,” the attire is worn by adult members who make sacred promises to God.
  • Not all Mormon churches accept the label “Mormon,” because the term has at times been used in a derogatory manner, and it does not allow for the variety of beliefs that exist among churches that follow the Book of Mormon and the teachings of Joseph Smith.

Joseph Smith

Joseph Smith Jr. was born in Vermont on December 23, 1805. When Smith was 14, he said he received a vision from God and Jesus that told him not to join any Christian denominational churches.

Three years later, Smith claimed that an angel named Moroni appeared to him. Moroni revealed that Smith had been selected to translate the Book of Mormon, a sacred text that was written around the 4th century and named after Moroni’s father, Mormon.

How to date a mormon

I sometimes see things on Twitter among the progMo and exMo Tweeps that are worth a closer look. There were two this week that were kind of funny. The first one is a writing prompt to share the most extreme or silly things you used to do when you were younger that are “Mormon.” Here’s a smattering of answers:

  • Intentionally got history questions wrong on school tests if they contradicted Mormon teaching.
  • Told his college Latin American History class that indigenous American people were all descended from the Hebrews.
  • Used to go through all the books she owned and cross out all the swear words.
  • Confessed to a bishop about trying a coffee flavored jelly bean.
  • Left a mandatory school choir rehearsal early to attend mutual.
  • Thought dating before age 16 was actually illegal.
  • Felt that it was a sin to read aloud the words “hell” or “damn” in scriptures.
  • Anonymously asked a DARE officer if licking rubbing alcohol was the same as underage drinking and if she might go to jail for it.
  • Refused to watch The Patriot with a school class, then testified about this righteous decision in Church that Sunday.
  • Another person did the same with Breakfast at Tiffany’s (MPAA rating is G), assigned to write an essay instead of watching the film.
  • Refused to listen to music that wasn’t Christian Rock or Mo-Tab.
  • Got fired for refusing to work on a Sunday.
  • Prayed for Jesus to illuminate some white rocks she found.
  • Refused to eat beer-battered onion rings.
  • Would not eat food cooked in alcohol or with alcohol in the sauce.
  • Turned down a caffeine-free diet coke because it was only 99% caffeine free.
  • Would not allow video game avatars to drink alcohol in the games.
  • Never went on a vacation that wasn’t a Church history trip.
  • Wrote celebrities fan letters to introduce them to the Church.
  • Refused to join school clubs because they conflicted with seminary schedule.
  • Told ice cream workers they needed to repent for serving coffee flavored ice cream.
  • Threw out all albums that had a parental advisory on them.
  • Asked a bishop for permission to drink green and herbal tea. Permission denied.
  • Educated a Jewish friend on how persecuted the Mormons were.

The second was to share something that seems Mormon but isn’t. Here are a few:

  • Costco
  • capri pants
  • Old Navy
  • Pentatonix
  • Republicans
  • The Shane Co guy
  • Chick-Fil-A
  • House decor that says “Live, Love, Laugh”
  • White tee shirts under spaghetti strap shirts
  • MLMs
  • Children who take piano lessons
  • Casseroles
  • Mayonnaise
  • Scrapbooking
  • Pyrex dishes
  • Maxi skirts
  • The Princess Bride
  • Sodalicious and other soda shops
  • Wicked the Musical
  • Disney
  • Newsies
  • Family stickers on the back of SUVs
  • Brian Regan
  • The song “Walking on Sunshine”
  • Essential oils
  • Kids Bop
  • Star Wars
  • The song “Happy”
  • Being vocal about child trafficking because it’s safe to be against it, and it doesn’t make you sound radical
  • Peloton
  • Insisting on people using your full name

Anyway, that’s it. So I’ll turn it over to you fine folks. Entertain us!

  • What’s the most ridiculous “Mormon” thing you did when younger that you now feel was silly or unnecessary?
  • What’s something that seems “Mormon” but isn’t?

Mormon youth are encouraged to not date until age 16. This is hard for some teenagers to accept because they may have an interest in someone of the opposite sex at an earlier age than 16, and they may want to pursue that. Though it may be hard to accept when a teenager, anyone who does wait until 16 to date can attest, looking back, that it was a good decision. Why?

How to date a mormonThe media is heavily influencing the world’s youth today and that influence is taking away childhood and the chance to develop at a normal rate. Children and even most teenagers are simply unable to cope with the degree of emotions and physical reactions that come with being in a steady relationship with a member of the opposite sex. This is natural and normal. It is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is it something you should try to push. Most parents would say that 16 is still too young to be dealing with many of these issues. The Mormon Church, officially The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, agrees with this assessment, which is why they encourage the youth to not date at all until age 16, and then to date only in group settings. This gives the individual time to adjust to the change and to the idea of being romantically involved with someone in a setting which contains far less risk than the majority of the relationship time being spent one-on-one.

Many teens would argue that they are ready for and are capable of handling the responsibility of this type of relationship, but while a few may be, it is far safer to be cautious. Mormon doctrine teaches that you should wait until marriage to have sexual relations, which is a standard seen as old-fashioned by the world. There are many reasons outside of religion to wait for marriage, but in the Mormon Church the religious reasons are far more important than the logical ones. Putting yourself in a needlessly dangerous situation is just not a good idea. There will be plenty of time to date when you get older and are more aware of who you yourself are. Don’t rush your childhood and teenage years trying to grow up too fast, or you will have no idea who you are. It takes time and experience to separate what other people think and expect of you from what you want for yourself. If you begin dating too early, it can really skew your self-image and confuse you as to what you really want.

If a group of friends all agrees to wait until they are 16 to date, it can be a wonderful time to strengthen friendships and build your own identity. Help each other learn new things and broaden your views.

The Mormon Church also teaches that marriage is something which can last forever. If a couple is married in a Mormon temple, they can have a relationship which will last even after they both die. Dating is the tool we use to choose the person we will spend the rest of our lives with. That is another reason why Mormon youth are encouraged to wait until they are a bit older before they begin dating. This time allows them to develop, helps them learn the importance of waiting until marriage for sexual relations, and can help them learn things about other people before they actually begin to date. Learning what traits you want in a spouse you believe you will be with forever is important. Observing traits of different people of the opposite sex can help you decide what things are important to you in a spouse.

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How to date a mormon

How to date a mormon

In May, a handful of billboards went up around Salt Lake City, announcing that an “LDS millionaire” was hosting an “exclusive VIP event” that would result, he hoped, in him meeting his wife. It would be like a sober version of “The Bachelor,” minus the camera crew and meddling producers.

About 2,500 women applied through a form online, including Kady Nettik, a student at Idaho State University who read about the ads on Facebook. “I’m dating around, and the dating apps aren’t helping,” Ms. Nettik said. “All my friends are married or have kids, unless they’re studying to be doctors.”

The pressure to find a husband or wife for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can be intense, Ms. Nettik, 24, said. The importance of marriage is emphasized from an early age, and single members of the church have traditionally attended separate congregations called “singles wards,” which are divided by age groups. Many wed by their mid-20s.

Part of the challenge is finding people who are like-minded, or at least open-minded. Ms. Nettik is willing to date outside of the church (and considers her involvement to be on the less active side), but she encounters a lot of men who have a strong reaction when she brings up her faith . “I just want someone who doesn’t hate it,” Ms. Nettik said.

These reasons and others led Erin Schurtz, who works at a matchmaking company for members of the church, to organize this live dating event for one of her clients. It was not her first foray into dating games: In 2010, she created a YouTube series called “The Mormon Bachelorette” with a close friend, to help the friend find a husband. The series continued after her friend got married and ran for five seasons.

“If you move away from the mecca — Salt Lake City and Provo — it makes it difficult to find someone because there are less people who are L.D.S.,” Ms. Schurtz said. But dating in Utah raises an opposite issue: “It becomes the problem of the grass is always greener; it becomes too much.”

Th ough “too much” might seem like an enviable problem, it can complicate decision-making for people who are looking to find a partner not just for life, but for ever. “We believe it’s for eternity, not just for this life,” Ms. Schurtz said. “It can cause a lot of anxiety for a lot of people. There’s a lot of early-on decision making. People will think, ‘Is this the one?’ on the second or third date.”

O.K., back to the show. Ms. Nettik found out that she was one of the 20 finalists for the “LDS Millionaire Matchmaking” event on a Monday in early June, at midnight. “I was told needed to make my meal choices and get a cocktail dress,” she said. She also signed a nondisclosure agreement, the terms of which included protecting the bachelor’s identity . (In sharing details from the event, she said, she adhered to those terms.)

At the dinner, Ms. Nettik bonded with the other attendees, many of whom she said were around her age — quite a bit younger than the bachelor, who the matchmaking company said is between 35 and 45 years old. During the event, he hid behind a white sheet while people who knew him described his accomplishments. After the sheet came down, Ms. Nettik said, the bachelor presented a PowerPoint outlining his reasons for being there. (She would not share details .)

Each of the women received a Kate Spade necklace with a heart-shaped pendant and had five minutes of face time with the bachelor. “It was very fast and it felt very pressured,” Ms. Nettik said. “They had a timer. By the time it got to me, it felt routine.” She said the bachelor asked her about what she likes to do, whether she has a big family, and “something about animals.”

In the end, Ms. Nettik did not want to go on a follow-up date, saying that though she found the bachelor “nice and funny,” she did not feel a spark and thought the age difference would be a problem. “It felt like we were all a little bit younger than him,” Ms. Nettik said. “Some of the references he made were going over our heads. It did feel like talking to an uncle.”

Several other women were interested in follow-up dates, Ms. Schurtz said, and her client has met one-on-one with them in the days since, even as their event has picked up curious attention in the media.

“After we finished, he thanked us all for coming,” Ms. Nettik said. And, perhaps as a nod to the reality program that inspired the event, “he gave a rose and a hug to each girl on the way out.”

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    The video, called “Going Home Single: A Very Mormon Holiday,” shows a young woman named Jane visiting her home for the holidays. Screenshot, Mutual app

    SALT LAKE CITY — The LDS dating app Mutual released a new video this week that shares what it’s like to go home for the holidays when you’re single.

    The video, called “Going Home Single: A Very Mormon Holiday,” shows a young woman named Jane visiting her home for the holidays.

    In true cheesy comedic fashion, Jane meets a young man already at her dinner table, who her parents have set her up with. She doesn’t take to him.

    Another friend at the table suggests she use the Mutual dating app. She proceeds to swipe through her potential matches, who then appear before her at the dinner table.

    Watch the new ad below.

    Mutual teamed up with Stacey Harkey of the Studio C sketch comedy group. The two previously teamed up for another advertisement for Mutual. Harkey’s onscreen wife in this year’s video was also in last year’s advertisement.

    “We thought it would be fun to keep our two main actors in this sequel to show the progression of Mormon relationships,” said Mutual founder Cooper Boice in a statement. “At the end of the original video, Stacey and his female co-star matched and walked off together.”

    Mutual is an LDS singles dating app that’s not unlike Tinder, in that you swipe to find people you match up with, according to the Deseret News. Users see a biography and photos of someone and will either swipe up or down to match with them.

    In Missouri, it was legal to kill a Mormon until 1976

    Missouri Executive Order 44, also known as the “Mormon Extermination Order”[1] (alt. exterminating order)[2] in Latter Day Saint history, was an executive order issued on October 27, 1838 by the governor of Missouri, Lilburn Boggs. It was issued in the aftermath of the Battle of Crooked River, a clash between Mormons and a unit of the Missouri State Guard in northern Ray County, Missouri, during the Mormon War of 1838. Claiming that the Mormons had committed “open and avowed defiance of the laws”, and had “made war upon the people of this State,” Boggs directed that “the Mormons must be treated as enemies, and must be exterminated or driven from the State if necessary for the public peace—their outrages are beyond all description”.[2]

    While the order is often referred to as the “Mormon Extermination Order” due to the phrasing used by Boggs, relatively few people lost their lives as a direct result of its issuance. However, the state militia and other authorities used Boggs’ missive as a pretext to expel the Mormons from their lands in the state, and force them to migrate to Illinois. Mormons did not begin to return to Missouri until 25 years later, when they found a more welcoming environment and were able to establish homes there once more. In 1976, citing the unconstitutional nature of Boggs’ directive, Missouri Governor Kit Bond formally rescinded it.

    Executive Order 44 was issued by Governor Lilburn Boggs of Missouri during the 1838 Mormon War, which had been caused by friction between the Mormons and their neighbors, largely due to tensions resulting from the growing economic and electoral power of the Mormon community, and the Mormons’ vocal opposition to slavery.[1][4] The war ended with the expulsion of almost all Mormons from the state of Missouri.[5][6] The Mormons had been given a county of their own to settle in after their expulsion from Jackson County in 1833, but the increasing influx of new Mormon converts moving to northwestern Missouri led them to begin settling in adjacent counties. This provoked the wrath of other settlers, who had operated under the assumption that the Mormons would remain confined to Caldwell County.

    How to date a mormon

    On the fourth of July in 1838, Mormon leader Sidney Rigdon delivered an oration in Far West, the county seat of Caldwell County. While not wishing or intending to start any trouble with his non-Mormon neighbors, Rigdon wanted to make clear that the Mormons would meet any futher attacks on them—such as had occurred in Jackson County during the summer and fall of 1833—with force:


    We take God and all the holy angels to witness this day, that we warn all men in the name of Jesus Christ, to come on us no more forever. For from this hour, we will bear it no more, our rights shall no more be trampled on with impunity. The man or the set of men, who attempts it, does it at the expense of their lives. And that mob that comes on us to disturb us; it shall be between us and them a war of extermination; for we will follow them till the last drop of their blood is spilled, or else they will have to exterminate us: for we will carry the seat of war to their own houses, and their own families, and one party or the other shall be utterly destroyed.—Remember it then all MEN.[8]


    Far from settling tensions, Rigdon’s oration had the opposite effect: it terrified and inflamed the residents of surrounding counties. By the Fall of that same year these tensions escalated into open conflict, culminating in the looting and burning of several Mormon farms and homes, the sacking and burning of Gallatin by Mormon “Danites”, and the taking of Mormon hostages by a militia unit commanded by Cpt. Samuel Bogart, operating in northern Ray County (to the south of Caldwell). When Mormon militia from the town of Far West moved south to the militia camp on the Crooked River to rescue their co-religionists, the resulting battle aroused considerable terror throughout the western part of the state. Lurid rumors of a planned full-scale Mormon invasion of Missouri had run rampant throughout the summer, and these only increased as reports of this “Battle of Crooked River” reached the capital at Jefferson City, with spurious accounts of Mormons allegedly slaughtering Bogart’s militia company, including those who had surrendered.[9] Further dispatches spoke of an impending Mormon attack on Richmond, county seat of Ray County, though in fact no such attack was ever contemplated.[10] It was in this environment of fear and misinformation that Boggs chose to act.

    Boggs issued Executive Order #44 to General John Clark, whom he had appointed to head up the state militia forces being assembled to reinstate citizens of Daviess County (north of Caldwell) who had been allegedly driven from their homes by renegade Mormons. Having heard lurid reports of alleged Mormon depradations on the Crooked River, Boggs directed Clark to change his mission to one of direct military operations against the Mormons themselves.