Have you ever found yourself wondering how to find love? That deep kind of love. You’ve probably seen it in your own life through your parents, siblings, close friends, and all those strangers who find love on TV. So you know it’s out there. It does exist. But how can you find it? Here’s how…
So what’s the secret to finding love? The truth is, I don’t think there is one. When you’re ready for love, and you want to find it, you will. I think it’s that simple.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t always happen as instantly as we would like it to. But more often than not, what we think is a first date curse or a string of bad luck, is actually a sign of the former. Not being ready for love, or not actually wanting it in your heart.
How to Find Love: 5 Standout Suggestions
Stuck on wondering how to find love? It can be tough pondering this, especially if you’re still holding out for that special someone. However, there are things you can do! Here’s how to get yourself ready for the love you’ve been searching for.
Stop looking for love and start discovering yourself
Many of us wrongly believe we need a partner to make us feel happy and content. This is something we’ve got backward. When we feel happy and content and whole on our own , we’ll be ready for a romantic relationship.
So if you’ve always hopped from one relationship to the next, or defined your self-worth by your relationship status, it may be time to be alone for a while.
When was the last time you checked in with yourself and got to know yourself on an intimate level? Have you given yourself time and space to heal past wounds from previous relationships? Do you even know who you are? Have you given yourself a chance to explore and nurture new parts of yourself?
Learning to be comfortable and independent on your own is one of the greatest steps you can take for yourself and your future relationships.
Take care of yourself
Devote the extra time you have now to taking really good care of yourself. Make self-care a priority, and try and do at least one thing each day to make yourself feel looked after and loved.
There are loads of things you can do. Cook yourself nutritious meals, move your body, or journal. Try meditating, socialize, find a new hobby, get to know your local community, have a makeover. There are so many ways we can practice self-care.
This is beneficial for your health on all levels and will promote a more positive outlook on life. Plus, we tend to attract people who match our own energy. So if your vibe is an inspiring, infectious, full of life one, you’re likely to attract people with similar vibrations.
Live a life that brings you joy
When you choose to live your life on your own terms, it becomes a lot more fulfilling. Sometimes that means disappointing people around you because they have their own ideas of who you should be. But remember, this is your life, so live it for you.
When you do, you’ll find yourself in jobs and places and with people who are aligned with you and your soul path. And you’re much more likely to find real love here than on a path that was never destined for you.
On top of this, when you live your life for yourself, you become infinitely more attractive to the people around you. This is because you become more authentic and inspiring, simply by daring to do the things you were born to do. This is where natural beauty comes from, and it’s the only kind of beauty that lasts.
Don’t seek romance, seek partnership
Most of us love a bit of romance. It’s fun, it’s exciting, and it makes us feel wanted. But romance is not strong enough to build a relationship on. What you’re really looking for is a partnership .
Look for someone who can offer you this, and wants this too. Someone who is genuinely interested in your opinion, cares about your needs and wants, and wants to create a healthy balance in the relationship.
Think about what you want and need
If you want to find forever love, it’s important to get clear on what you really want and need in a relationship.
What kind of lifestyle do you want to live? Are you looking for a long-term commitment, and to get married and have kids? What would be a deal-breaker for you in a good relationship?
Many of us are under the illusion that falling in love solves all our problems. Not only is this not true, but a relationship can also bring us a whole new set of problems to navigate. So before you rush into finding love, figure out what you truly want and need. When you can name it, you’ll be able to spot in more clearly when you see it.
When you’re dating someone new, don’t be afraid to share what you’re looking for. The right person will not be uncomfortable when you do. Instead, they’ll embrace it. After all, it’s about elevating each other to be the best versions of yourselves!
If you want to improve your love life, there’s just one person that can make it happen – and they’re looking at you in the mirror…
Who doesn’t love a good love song? If you’re looking for the best love songs, then we have a treat for you – EliteSingles has compiled a Spotify® list of…
It can be tricky finding love in the modern age – but finding your ‘meant-to-be’ is far from impossible.
Putting yourself out there again can be challenging, especially if it’s been a long time since your last romantic relationship. And sometimes you may not have moved on completely after a breakup. Trying to love again is a courageous act. It can take even more courage if your past relationship was bad or challenging.
How to Move On After a Breakup
Moving on is not easy, but it’s not impossible. It is not wrong to feel angry, confused, guilty, or sad about the end of your relationship. However, it’s not the end of everything. There are ways that you can manage the pain and prepare for a fresh start:
- Focus more on yourself. Focusing on yourself involves doing things that make you happy. To relax, you may do things like meditate, read a book, or watch a movie you love.
- Find space for yourself. Try to maintain some distance from your ex. You may try doing so physically and on online social platforms to allow yourself to get over the breakup.
- Stay active. Now that you have more time to yourself, you may try to keep yourself busy by engaging in activities that you enjoy doing.
- Give yourself some time. You may need some time to cope with breaking up with someone you love. Give yourself some time to heal.
- Share with supportive family or friends. Sharing what you’ve been through with a supportive friend or family member might help change your perspective of the breakup. This might be for the better. Hanging out with them may also keep your mind off the breakup.
- Avoid usingdrugs and alcoholto cope. Taking drugs or alcohol is not an excellent way to manage the pain of a breakup. In the end, you may feel worse than you were before taking them.
- Physical exercise and sleep. Consider engaging in some physical exercise and getting regular sleep. They may go a long way in helping with the coping process.
Other ways. Other ways to get through a breakup include:
- Jot down what you are feeling or thinking
- Try not to blame yourself
- Acknowledge that breakups are part of life and dating
- Don’t stop having faith in relationships or individuals
- Avoid holding on to the hope of getting back together
- Avoid taking revenge
How to Find Love Again
Many people have issues trying to get back into the dating scene. This is mainly because you have to figure out where to meet new people. It might be harder if you were in a relationship for a long time. A few things might have changed a bit since your single days.
The following tips might help you to find love again:
- Socialize more. Meeting more people is one way to expose yourself to the possibility of finding love. Consider going to clubs that align with your interests, connecting with old friends, and joining local societies. Bring back your confidence in social spaces and increase your chances of meeting other people.
- Consideronline dating. Online dating can be effective when it comes to meeting someone who shares similar interests with you. You might also get more choices to choose from as opposed to meeting people physically.
- Do not pressure yourself. Try not to be so hard on yourself about your breakup or trying to love again. Consider taking things slowly without putting pressure on yourself.
In some cases, your ability to find love might be hindered by your fears. You may be scared to love again because of different reasons. Love may:
- Bring sad memories
- Come with feelings like guilt
- Make you feel anxious or vulnerable
- Bring up issues like fear of loss or abandonment
- Cause identity crisis issues
- Move you further from a parent or caretaker
Tips to Help You Find Love
Luck plays a huge role when it comes to finding love. Success is not guaranteed. You might not find your true love when you put yourself out there. However, you may do the following things to help you increase your chances of finding love:
- Know what you want in your life
- Avoid being too picky
- Know the type of person you want to be in a relationship with
- Open yourself up to adventures and fun activities
- Seek help from family or friends
How to know if you are ready. It might not be obvious to figure out when you will be prepared to give love another chance. You might never feel completely prepared. But, put yourself out there when you feel most comfortable. You don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for.
Headspace: “dealing with relationship breakups.”
Mental Health Centre University of Alberta: “Surviving A Relationship Breakup – Top 20 Strategies.”
PSYCHALIVE: “Falling Out of Love.”
Relate: “How to get back into dating after a long break,” “How do you find love?”
With a new year comes an easy opportunity to hit reset in the areas of your life you want to approve and assess your goals. If finding love this year is at the top of your to-do list, there are plenty of little things you can start doing right now to can make that happen.
David Strah, licensed psychotherapist and author, tells Bustle you can start by developing a plan with the overall goal of getting into a relationship this year. Then, identify the small steps you can take on a weekly basis to help you get there. For instance, do you need to try a new dating app out? Change up the pictures or bio your profiles? Ask friends to set you up? Maybe you want to work on being more confident and assertive when you meet people in person.
"Put your plan on paper and review it with your accountability partner and other close friends for their ideas," Strah tells Bustle.
As is the case with any goal, finding love can take practice. Below, you’ll find some expert-approved tips — from scrapping your checklists to being more present in your day-to-day — on how to find a relationship in the new year.
Take Care Of Yourself First
It’s easier to be open and emotionally available to love when you feel like you’re in a good place.
"You attract what you are, not what you want," millennial dating coach, Elsa Moreck, tells Bustle. "So if you want to find a partner who fits your high standards (and you deserve that) then you need to make sure you meet those standards yourself first." The better you feel about yourself, the more likely you are to find a partner who matches that energy.
"Keep challenging yourself to evolve every day, and you’ll never have to settle again," Moreck says.
Be Active On & Offline
Dating can take some time to get right, so it’s important to practice. Moreck suggests being active on dating apps or social media, and also offline by attending community events that pique your interest.
That doesn’t mean you have to spread yourself too thin, Moreck says. "But by staying open to meeting people in different ways, you diversify your dating strategy and increase your odds at meeting the right person for you." At the very least, you can make some new friends.
Emotionally Cut Ties With People From The Past
Take a few minutes each day to visualize yourself in the relationship that you want. What does that relationship look like? How does your relationship make you feel? Then, think about the people that you might still be holding on to and decide if they’ll be able to give you the relationship that you actually want. If not, don’t be afraid to cut ties with them.
As Justine Carino, licensed mental health counselor who specializes in relationship issues, tells Bustle, "I’ve seen people settle because they wanted a relationship more than they have actually wanted that specific person." Why wait for someone who may or may not give you what you want?
Scrap The Lists
While it’s good to have an idea of what you’re looking for, Ashley Campana, matchmaker with Lisa Clampitt Matchmaking, tells Bustle, you might benefit more from tossing out any checklists you have of what your want in a partner or in a relationship.
"We never truly know what kind of package our next relationship is going to come in," Campana says. "Keeping a checklist of the things you need in a partner is not being ‘picky’ or ‘getting what you deserve’ — it’s limiting." Instead, it’s important to know your core values and relationship goals. If there’s chemistry, be open to the possibilities.
Make Saying "Yes" Your Default
There are a million and one different reasons to say no to a date — you’re too busy, you have no friends in common, etc. According to Campana, it’s always easier to say no without thinking about it than it is to say yes. "But if we turned that idea on its head and made ‘yes’ the default instead of ‘no,’ we’d open ourselves up to more possibilities," she says.
Find Ways To Get More Exposure
Campana says there are ways to incorporate meeting people into the things you’re already doing. If you work from home every day, pick one or two days out of your week to work at a coffee shop or another public place instead. If you usually run a treadmill in your apartment building, join a gym or a running club so you can meet people who have a similar hobby. Making these small changes to your everyday routine can help you maximize your chances of meet someone new this year.
Be Present In Your Everyday Life
"The most solid piece of advice I give all of my clients is to be as present as possible in your life aka practice mindfulness in each moment," Amanda Stemen, licensed therapist and owner of FUNdaMENTALGrowth, tells Bustle. By practicing mindfulness, you’ll be so in the moment living your life to worry about things you can’t control.
Stemen says this isn’t always easy when you’re dating. "Yet, by being present we create the space needed to deeply connect with yourself and others around you, which is absolutely necessary to finding love," Stemen says.
Maintain A Positive Attitude To Finding Love
Don’t let what happened in the past get in the way of your future.
"Maintaining a positive, hopeful attitude when finding love is everything," Kara Laricks, LGBTQ date coach and matchmaker at Three Day Rule, tells Bustle. "A negative or defeatist attitude comes through on dates and in daily interactions, turning the ‘this is never going to happen for me’ fear into a reality." It’s important to flip your internal script. Instead of thinking "This is never going to happen, I should just give up," replace that with, "My person is right around the corner and I’m excited to meet them!"
Laricks suggests practicing this in front of the mirror to see how your face changes. You’ll notice your smile, posture, and the look in your eyes change as you shift your words from negative to positive.
If your goal is to find love this year, it may require putting in more work than you’re used to in the past. But if you come out of it with a healthy relationship, it’ll be well worth the effort.
David Strah, licensed psychotherapist and author
Amanda Stemen, licensed therapist and owner of FUNdaMENTALGrowth
Kara Laricks, LGBTQ date coach and matchmaker at Three Day Rule
Love is a curious thing and most people are looking for it. Women seem to be especially susceptible to feeling the need to find someone to be with. I cannot tell you how many times I have been in the company of a friend and the subject of their need for a life partner has come up in the course of the conversation. The neediness and desperation of people often shows through their vulnerability for love. There is just one problem: neediness and desperation are not attractive. Want to know why it seems so common for people to find a partner when they aren’t looking? Keep reading for a couple of points on the subject:
Stop evaluating everyone as the potential “One”.
I have a girlfriend that is constantly talking about wanting to settle down with a man. Each time I talk to her, she seems to be evaluating every man she encounters as a potential husband. I finally had to tell her, “I hope you don’t come across as this desperate when out on a date.” My point is that a man can sense desperation from a woman, and no one wants to feel that they are being evaluated as a potential life partner, especially on a first date.
Desperation comes across as a sign of weakness.
Desperation and neediness can come across as signs of weakness and low self-esteem, which can quell a spark before it starts. When a person is desperate to find a mate, he or she may not realize that conversations with others may be too transparent too soon. You do not have to tell your life story and personal details the first time you meet someone. Part of the appeal of someone is his or her mysteriousness.
When you stop looking for love, it appears.
When my husband and I met, I was not looking for a boyfriend, much less a husband. I had not given up on the prospect, but I was at a point in my life where that was not my focus. Because I was focused on my own pursuits at that time, men were coming out of nowhere asking me out on dates.
When you are not looking for someone to love, that is when people tend to appear. The simple fact of focusing on other pursuits gives off an air of confidence to others. Focusing on your own life growth not only makes you a better person, but also makes you a better potential life partner. That is something that exudes from one’s personality and gives off that attractive confidence.
Not forcing love is more rewarding.
Being in love through “fate,” and not forcing a match between two people, is much more rewarding and lasting than trying to find a partner. Allowing the right person into your life through chance is much less exhausting than seeing every person as potentially being the “one” for you. Allowing love to find you will feel less stressful and more like a match made in heaven, rather than something that is fake and contrived.
Don’t lose your objectivity to overuse.
Constantly looking for love can diminish your ability to be objective about people you meet. If that objectivity fades, how can you discern who is right for you in a relationship? After a while, everyone seems to be a good fit because you want him or her to be, not because he or she is the right fit. I have seen women make this mistake and lose their ability to make sound, coherent judgments of the character of others.
Law of Attraction
“Like attracts like” is the law of attraction–not in the sense that you want to attract someone exactly like you in terms of personality traits, but that you want love to attract itself to you. Also, the idea behind the concept is that the energy you give off is attractive to others. Being positive and relaxed will most certainly attract love to you in its own time.
Finding love should not be a burden.
Letting love happen naturally will most certainly expedite your finding the right person. When you stop looking, the right person seems to walk in the door unexpectedly. Sometimes it is a psychological idea that when you take your mind off something, it happens. Finding love should not be burdensome, but fun. Do you not think it is more romantic when someone wants to be with you, just because? I certainly do.
Patience will bring the right person along.
More often than not, when you are desperately seeking love, you will be more likely to date any jerk that comes along. Patience is the key to finding the right person and letting love find you. Rushing into finding someone opens you up to the vulnerability of falling for the wrong person–like someone who may only be looking for a fling.
So, next time you are out with your friends, relax, take a deep breath, have fun, and be yourself. Do not try so hard to make someone like you. Just let love bloom naturally. You may find yourself in love sooner than you think.
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I’m your host Kat, and this is Find Love or Die Trying!
It’s the premiere of our new dating show, where ending up single. means ending up dead! Not sure why you’d sign up for this, but now that you’re here, you’ve got 7 days to get one of the lovely ladies on your tropical island getaway to fall in love with you. If she’s willing to put a ring on it, you’re both free to leave. If not. well, it’s in the name of the show!
You’ll get the chance to meet:
- Allie, the daredevil athlete with a rebellious streak
- Scarlett, the charming scientist with a penchant for destruction
- Violet, the cold-as-ice scion of a mysterious MegaCorp
- Terra, the eccentric gamer who marches to her own drum
- Yui, the childhood sweetheart with a smile that could melt ice
Then again, my bonus is tied to the ratings, and not you surviving the show, so. Hm.
I can’t wait to start filming our first episode together!
- 4+ hours of Visual Novel Gameplay with branching choices and consequences
- 7 unique endings
- Original story, art, and music
- Play as any gender
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Find Love or Die Trying contains suggestive content, but nothing visually explicit.
The dilemma I am a 48-year-old single woman with a full and independent life. I’m close to my family and have a 15-year-old daughter. I have a good group of friends and several hobbies. I’ve had struggles with mental health in the past, but am doing better now than ever.
I’d also love to be in a relationship, but it’s something I’m just not able to find success in. I’ve had relationships, but I’ve spent the majority of my time single. I’ve been online dating for many years, but it seems to bring out the absolute worst in men. It’s such a cliché, but it seems that everyone is married and there are no parties or natural social occasions (including before Covid) that allow for meeting someone in a natural way.
I have reached the point where it all feels hopeless and I want to explore ways of feeling happier single, to quell this desire to find a mate. My daughter is the most wonderful thing to have happened to me but, growing up, it was a relationship I thought about and desired more than motherhood. I’d like to want that less, to spend less time thinking about it, to be happier with my lot and accept that I may live out my days single.
Is it possible to achieve something like this? To dial down my desire to find a partner and find a better life as a result?
Mariella replies Most definitely. In fact, your letter pushed me off on a meander down memory lane. I sometimes find myself describing my 20s and 30s as my “single” years and yet there were plenty of romances and even co-habitations through those adventuring decades. Saying I was single during years that were full of relationship opportunities, some short-lived, some elongated far past their ability to withstand my expectations, now seems a programmed response to the myth we are sold from birth of stars colliding and violins serenading, followed by a lifetime of perfect partnership. In our unreconstructed romantic narratives, a few false starts in youth can be tolerated, but after that the idea of a long, straight road through long-term commitment, parenting, retirement and maybe gardening together until death us do part is the convention that remains. Yet does that really reflect the relationship experience of anyone under 60 today?
Many of us may have at least one marriage or long-term co-habitation under our belt, plenty more will be embarking on a second such “committed future” by midlife, and some will have chosen a path free of the constraints of monogamy. My point is that there is no blueprint and certainly no such thing as normal when it comes to 21st-century coupling.
I’ve started to think differently about my “wasted decades”. Far from being a period of relationship failure, those years were brim-full of romantic richness, when I dated people who have become part of my extended family. Rather than being ill-fated those years were a period of experimentation and learning. I tell you because I see you doing the same thing, at a different stage in life, treating this period of self-reliance as though you’re in a holding pattern where “escape” means finding a mate. Yet look at the life you have. Yours is a rich existence: good friends, close family, hobbies, a career and a teenage daughter. So how about you delete the dating apps, stop considering a new mate as an outstanding bucket-list ambition and revel in the life you have now?
There’s no question you will stumble on your next partner at a bus stop, or in a bar, at a dinner party or on a walking weekend. That another mate will come along is a given, but how you spend the intervening time, whether it’s weeks, months or even years is far more important. Finding fulfilment in our own company and contentment in our own lives is the greatest investment we can bring to our romantic liaisons. Lessening the expectation of any union makes it all the easier to forge something valuable and enriching when the time comes.
We’re raised as aspirant monogamists; coupling up is what our species is programmed to do. That doesn’t mean we have to live like swans, mating for life. It can be hard to take a step back from harsh judgment and look at our lives with a degree of perspective. You’re in that place now, buried under the burden of your expectations.
In my 39th year, having failed to find a father for my hoped-for children, I decided to take advantage of what I did have, which was independence and solvency. For 12 months I forgot entirely about dating and instead sought stimulation elsewhere, a sabbatical in Brazil, an acting stint in The Vagina Monologues and a trek in Nepal. It was in those foothills that I met the man with whom I now have two kids. I am grateful to this day for my decision to stop seeking more and enjoy what I had. By default, it brought me everything I had secretly hoped for. Thanks for reminding me! And I hope that you find similar satisfaction.
The Sims 4 “Finding Love After a Breakup” Scenario ends with one of three outcomes: new love, a renewed friendship, or a rekindled romance.
The Sims 4 introduced a new, story-based approach to gameplay with its most recent base game update: Scenarios. Fans have been hoping for more interactive and engaging Sims 4 gameplay for some time, hoping for experiences similar to previous Sims games. Mechanics like Snowy Escape’s Lifestyles or Cottage Living’s villager errands have added new ways to play, but aren’t yet available to players without those packs. However, Scenarios were added to the base game, ensuring everyone has the chance to give them a try.
One of the two Scenarios that dropped with the update, Finding Love After a Breakup, focuses on the failed romance between two Sims who live together. The story begins directly after the couple has broken up, complete with red relationship bars and negative sentiments toward each other. Players can achieve one of three endings to the scenario and will receive Satisfaction Points at its completion.
Regardless of which outcome players are aiming for in Sims 4, reaching it takes a bit of effort. Certain traits and skills may speed things along, such as the Romantic trait or high Charisma skill. Using cheats or mods will not negatively affect the scenario, including any cheats used to acquire useful Reward traits like the Beguiling or Great Kisser traits. No matter the approach, if the requirements for an outcome are met, the scenario will be complete.
How to Complete the Finding Love After a Breakup Scenario in The Sims 4
“Rock Solid Romance” is the simplest outcome to achieve in Sims 4. One Sim in the household simply needs to enter a romantic relationship with someone else and reach Soulmate status, which requires both high friendship and high romance. At a minimum, the top relationship bar needs to be about two-thirds full, whereas the bottom bar should be three-quarters full. As soon as one of the Sims has a new soulmate, the scenario ends and each member of the household receives their Satisfaction Points.
This outcome is slightly easier because the broken-up Sims don’t need to improve their relationship at all. In fact, each Sim can still have very negative feelings or sentiments toward their ex-partner. So long as they become Soulmates with a different Sim, the scenario ends successfully. Both Sims receive Satisfaction Points regardless of which has entered the new relationship.
“Forever Friends,” in which the two Sims reconcile and become Best Friends in Sims 4, takes a little more patience. Since the predetermined negative relationship is pretty strong, Sims will have intense sentiments toward their ex-partner. It can be difficult to successfully complete positive interactions between them while they’re still so upset with the other person. Additionally, because each Sim has negative sentiments toward their ex-partner, just being around them can give both Sims Tense, Sad, or Angry moodlets.
One way to mend their friendship is to give each Sim some time to process their emotions. Sentiments fade with time, as will the negative moodlets they give each Sim. Friendly interactions have a higher chance of succeeding after negative sentiments have lessened. When their friendship is high enough, both Sims will have the option to “Become Best Friends” with the other. After this interaction, the scenario will end and both Sims will receive their Satisfaction Points. Their romantic relationship does not affect this outcome.
“Better Together” requires the Sims to mend their relationship and become Soulmates with one another. This outcome is possibly the most time-consuming in Sims 4, since both the friendship bar and the romance bar need to improve significantly to achieve it. As with the “Forever Friends” outcome, it might make the task easier to spend some time apart first.
Friendship and romance can both be improved at the same time, so improving one before the other is not necessary. Depending on each Sim’s traits, they will likely be able to complete successful Friendly socializations first and Romantic ones a little later. It isn’t necessary for the Sims to be officially dating or married for this outcome. Once their friendship and romance is high enough they will become Soulmates on their own. The scenario ends once they achieve Soulmate status, and both Sims receive their Satisfaction Points.
The Sims 4 is available for PC, PlayStation 4, and Xbox One.
I spent nearly 15 years working in nonprofit management, mostly in fundraising and marketing. I was good at it—people told me so all the time. It came easily to me, paid the bills, and was a very comfortable career path.
And yet, I simply didn’t love it.
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Don’t get me wrong—it was okay. I learned a lot and worked with some great people. But I envied those folks who had a spring in their step on the way to work—people who absolutely loved what they did and couldn’t wait to roll up their sleeves and get busy on the job. I always wanted to be one of those people.
I finally went for it. I left my mediocre non-profit job and started my own corporate communications business. It’s been nearly a year, and while there have been many bumps along the way, I can now say with full confidence that I really love what I do.
As Confucius said, “choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life.” It’s great advice, but it’s not always that simple—it can be difficult to figure out what you love and how to parlay that into a viable business or job. So here’s a step-by-step plan for pinpointing your passions—and four ways to help you start turning them into your career.
1. Remember What You Loved as a Child
Often, our truest passions emerge in childhood, only to be squelched by real life pressures. So think about what you loved long before you had to worry about your career. Writing? Science experiments? Taking care of people? Getting back in touch with those instincts is an important step in finding your passion.
2. Eliminate Money from the Equation
If money were no object, what would you do? Would you travel? Spend all of your time with your children? Would you start a charitable organization to help abused women? Of course money can’t be ignored, but don’t let financial pressures dictate your choices. Your career should ultimately lead to financial security, but if financial security is the defining motivator, it’s unlikely you’ll end up doing what you love.
3. Ask Your Friends for Feedback
Sometimes you’re just not the best judge of what makes you happy. Ask the people who know you intimately when you seem the happiest and what you do the most enthusiastically. Their answers may surprise you.
4. Read through a University Course Catalog
Find some quiet time and see which courses naturally interest you. What would you study if you could do it all over? What courses do you think you could teach? Which subjects scare you to death, and which ones do you find boring? Revisiting these possibilities will help point you in the direction of subjects and topics that you love.
5. Identify your Professional Hero
Of everyone you know, either personally or in your extended frame of reference (from your dermatologist to Oprah), whose career would you most want to emulate? Reach out to her to learn more about how she got to where she is, or, if that’s not possible, read everything you can about her career and life.
6. Think of What You Enjoy That You Also Do Well
After you’ve done these exercises, think about what you’ve learned. Focus on the things that you both enjoy and do well—whether you have a way with animals, make a killer lemon tart, or are crazy for origami—and write them down. Then, narrow the list to the top three or four things. Keep it handy, review it often, and use it as your jumping-off point when you’re plotting your career move.
Once you have a solid idea of what you love doing, it can still be a big leap to turn that passion into a viable career. Here are four easy steps to start making the change:
1. Talk to a Career Counselor
Career counselors help others figure out what they want for a living, and they’ll have insights and tools to help you zero in on the things you love most and do best, and also be able to offer ideas and guidance on how to find a career that best suits those passions. Take advantage of those resources.
2. Leverage Social Media
More than ever, we live in a social world. Once you’ve identified what it is that you love, get busy on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn, connecting with people who share your areas of interest. Read blogs, join forums, and find out what it’s really like to do what you love.
3. Start Saving Money
Once you feel strongly that you want to start down this new path, start saving. A lot. The more money you have in the bank, the less finances will have to rule your decisions. And the less scary it will be if and when you do quit your job.
4. Just Do It
Ultimately, you won’t really know what you love to do unless you actually bite the bullet. Until you give it a go, it’s really just speculation. So, whether you take a small step like signing up for a class or you dive head-first into entrepreneurship, roll up your sleeves and do it. You’ll never know until you try.
I found my passion—and I’m grateful for that. But these tips are still serving me well as I go down this path, because it’s important that my work continues to be fueled by what I love most. And if that falls into place, I am hopeful that I’ll never have to work a day in my life.
Looking to start dating again? We’ve compiled some top tips for over-50s dating to help you get back in the game and find true love
b onus that it tends to come with much less drama. If you’re looking for love and you’re not sure where to start, read on for a list of tips on mature dating for over-50s to help you find your soulmate.
Even if dating is something you’re relatively new to, there’s no need to feel intimidated.
1. Use a dating site for the over-50s
Older people may be reluctant to try online dating, but it’s one of the easiest ways to meet people. And it’s great for over-50s dating, with many sites now catering specifically for mature women and men looking for a genuine romantic connection.
Although certain sites are free, you can get a more tailored service through a subscription service. Some specialise in over-50s dating, while others simply tend to attract an older user base.
If you’re a regular Telegraph reader, you may benefit from subscribing to Telegraph Dating, where you can browse the profiles of men and women in your age range who are likely to hold similar opinions on politics and world events.
2. Take up a hobby
Your fifties are the perfect time to take up a new activity. Learning new skills can boost your mental well-being and is also associated with a reduced risk of dementia in later life.
From a dating perspective, especially over-50s dating, taking up a hobby can be a great way to connect with like-minded people in a relaxed and fun environment. Common hobbies adopted by older people include cooking classes, book groups, choirs or learning a new language or instrument.
The type of activity you opt for is entirely up to you, but it’s a good idea to pick something age-appropriate with a social aspect that will put you in contact with lots of new people.
3. Freshen up your wardrobe
Getting back into dating is a great excuse to clear out your wardrobe and stock up on some stylish, well-fitting items that will make you feel fantastic.
Take clothes you haven’t worn in years to the charity shop to make room, and then invest in a couple of good-quality, non-workwear essentials – such as a smart coat, a good pair of jeans and a cashmere jumper – that you’ll wear for years. Feeling good in your clothes can do wonderful things for your self-confidence.
If you’re pretty clueless about fashion, consider hiring a personal shopper or stylist. A key benefit with this kind of service is that you can sit and relax while they scour the rails for you.
4. Open up to your family and friends
It’s not unusual for people in their fifties or older to feel self-conscious about getting back into dating – particularly if you have grown-up children. But having a good support network of friends and family members is vital if you’re going to pursue healthy, happy romantic relationships.
If you’re finding it difficult to tell your children that you’re looking for love, just remember that honesty early on is always the best policy. While you don’t need to fill them in on every flirtatious text, it’s important to communicate about the big stuff happening in your life.
You never know – your children may even have some dating advice for you.
5. Start exercising
Another tip for over-50s dating is to start exercising, which can benefit your physical health and mental well-being. It can be a challenge if you haven’t exercised for a while, but there are plenty of classes and activities that are friendly to the over-50s, including yoga, swimming and walking.
Exercise is known to improve mood as well as boost energy and self-confidence, so it can help to quash any insecurities you may have about getting older. It also helps you stay energised and enthusiastic, and is known to improve sexual performance.
As an added bonus, exercise classes and activity clubs can be a fantastic way to meet people. So yes, it may be worth investing in a new pair of jogging bottoms before you hit that tai chi class.
6. Go on a solo holiday
The great thing about being in your fifties is that you have the freedom you yearned for as a teenager plus the financial stability you never quite managed in your twenties and thirties. So once it is safe and permitted again, it would be a great idea to get out there and have an adventure.
By the time you reach your fifties you also have the confidence and experience to make booking and taking a solo holiday work. You’ll be able to plan your own itinerary, explore at your own pace and make connections with people you might never have met had you been travelling with friends.
Best of all, many different travel operators specialise in trips for the over-50, which means you’re guaranteed to be travelling in a group with similarly aged people.
7. Start saying yes
The tips we’ve offered so far can essentially be summed up in one phrase: be more adventurous.
It can be difficult to break out of routines you’ve had for many years, but if you want to embark on a brand new relationship you’ll have to make some changes. The best way to do that is to get into the habit of going with the flow and generally saying “yes” to positive opportunities that come your way.
And yes, that means taking your friends up on all those dinner-party invitations you may have been dodging.
8. Stay safe in the bedroom
Returning to older dating after a long period away can be challenging for a number of reasons – but many men and women in their fifties find it liberating when it comes to the bedroom. If you’ve been in a relationship for many years, having sex with a new person can be a real adventure.
Don’t be afraid to experiment and try new things, but always remember the cardinal rule: use condoms and other forms of protection if you aren’t sure about your partner’s sexual health.
9. Take your time
Finally, always remember that it’s perfectly OK to take things slowly. While sex and relationships may not be a new experience, it can take time to feel comfortable with a new person.
Above all, remember that there’s no particular rush to meet somebody, and that it’s better to wait for someone with whom you have the right connection than to force something that’s not working.
For more tips and advice on successful dating after 50, visit our Mature Dating section.
If you’re single and interested in meeting like-minded people, join Telegraph Dating. With more than 220,000 like-minded single people, Telegraph Dating is the best place to find romance.