You’ve just made a huge step forward in your life or achieved a vital goal, and want to tell everyone you know. You’re bursting with pride and happiness and want to spread the joy. But have you ever stopped to listen to that little voice in your head that wonders whether or not the recipients of your great news really care?
Sure, they might be listening to the words coming out of your mouth. They may even ask you questions. But at the end of the day, do they really care about you and your life?
The Harsh Reality That Will Set You Free
Humans are a curious species in every sense of the world. They do strange things, and they are intrigued by the lives of others. This can lull you into a false sense of security and make you believe that they truly care for you and would be willing to help you out in times of need.
In reality, most people do not really care for your well-being on a deep and meaningful level. When they take an interest in your engagement, for example, they may well be interested in the color scheme you’ll choose for your wedding or where the proposal took place.
However, most people are not going to be around to lend you emotional support when you start arguing with your spouse or feel overwhelmed by the prospect of spending every Christmas from now until eternity with your in-laws.
Why You Need To Focus On Yourself
Once you realize that most people keep their interactions on a fairly superficial level, you realize that self-reliance and the ability to make yourself happy is one of the most important skills you can develop.
Aside from a few close friends and relatives, the majority of people you meet will simply not be around to lend you a listening ear when you get fired or are made redundant, even if they were excited when you landed that job in the first place.
You need to learn how to value your own talents and achievements because no one will ever care about your life nearly as much as you. When you are faced with a decision in life and are considering your next steps, listen to your intuition and act in accordance with your deepest desires.
When you live a life truly on your own terms, you will be able to enjoy sharing good news secure in the knowledge that despite the fact no one much cares, you are achieving your own goals and fulfilling your unique vision of what a good life looks like.
How to Focus on Yourself
If you’re ready to focus on yourself and work on yourself to become a better person, these tips can help you:
While it may not come naturally to some, focusing on yourself is the best thing you can do as it’s can be considered an act of self-love. When you focus on yourself, you’re showing others that you deserve to be invested in.
You’re giving yourself the attention and care you’ve always deserved. Not everyone gets the chance to do so as it’s easy to get caught up investing time in others from day to day. Focusing on yourself is more than being attentive, but it’s being attuned to your needs and wants.
What It Means to Focus on Yourself
When we say focus on yourself, this means looking inwards and giving yourself everything you need and deserve – but not in an entitlement sense. Oftentimes, we’re so focused on providing for others that we fail to focus on ourselves first. This also means listening to your mind, heart, and body and being attentive to what it needs.
We live in a world that’s extremely fast-paced to a certain extent…that we don’t always provide ourselves the affection and care we need. Focusing on yourself means looking introspectively and to learn everything about your needs and wants. Otherwise, a lack of focus will cause exhaustion, burnout, and fatigue.
11 Simple Ways to Focus on Yourself
1. Reflect on what you want
This may sound extremely simple, but it’s hard to figure out what you want alone. Focusing on yourself means knowing what you want and don’t want as it’s all part of the process.
2. Start with small changes
Once you figure out what you want, you don’t have to overwhelm yourself with drastic changes immediately. It’s an adequate step to start with minor changes since you’ll eventually progress.
3. Start with basic needs
If you can’t think of specific goals, start with what you need such as exercise, diet, and the other simple lifestyle needs. You can start by doing a 5-minute walk every morning and see if that helps.
4. Try journaling
Writing down your thoughts and feelings is one of the most underrated yet important ways of releasing what you feel. We have a lot of repressed emotions than you think, which is what journaling provides. It acts as a great way to get your thoughts out on paper.
5. Find a new hobby
Trying new things is a great way to grow and expand your knowledge and experience. Find a skill or hobby you’ve always wanted to try, not something that will make you look good on paper. Otherwise, this defeats the purpose of focusing on yourself.
6. Avoid comparing yourself
Whether in the digital or personal sense, you shouldn’t compare yourself to others. Social media, specifically, is where comparison is so easy to do – be careful about getting caught up in that.
7. Take a break from social media
You’ll be surprised to see how social media can affect your mental health if you aren’t careful enough. It’s full of highlight reels, so it’s all a facade. Taking a break lets you live your life in the present, rather than what others think of you.
8. Shift your focus
Instead of always focusing on other people’s needs, it’s time to put that focus on yourself. You deserve love and attention just as much as others do and it’s time you put that love into action.
9. Find peers that are good for you
Finding people who share your goals and dreams is the best thing in the world. You are the summary of the people you spend most of your time with so you have to be careful.
10. Check in with yourself often
There’s nothing bad about checking with yourself as you would do with a friend. In fact, this ensures that you’re healthy and growing.
11. Don’t be hard on yourself
Specifically, when you’re anxious or going through a difficult situation, don’t forget to go easy on yourself. There’s no reason why you should be extra harsh on yourself since you wouldn’t do that to others.
The Importance of Focusing on Yourself
Emotional exhaustion or burnout is one of the common things that happen when you avoid focusing on yourself often. This means that you rarely have time for yourself, but your focus is almost always outward.
When you place your attention on yourself and everything you are, you become the happiest and healthiest version of yourself. You aren’t likely to become drained since you’re taking care of your needs properly.
The Benefits of Focusing on Yourself
1. You become better
It’s easy to lose yourself when you stop being attentive to your needs. Focusing on yourself means you take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health properly.
2. Others are drawn to you
There’s something about how confident people hold themselves that sets them apart from others. In this sense, they focus on themselves as much as they do for others. Others will be naturally drawn to you when you gain confidence from focusing on yourself and not elsewhere.
3. You are happier
You aren’t feeling exhausted, drained, or tired since you’re focusing on yourself properly. This is just one of the many benefits that focusing on your needs can provide.
4. You deal with difficult situations better
A lot of the times, we refuse to deal with negativity because we aren’t equipped to do so. Focusing on yourself means you know how to deal even with bad situations properly without being impulsive.
5. You’ll have your needs met
It’s only natural that when you focus on yourself, your needs will be properly met. You won’t feel a lack of love and wholeness in your life.
I hope this article was able to shed insight into focusing on yourself. When you shift your focus to yourself instead of on others, you’ll see a massive change in your life accordingly.
Focusing on yourself is how you live a better and happier life since you won’t be drained trying to be everything for everyone else – that’s an impossible standard. Instead, by focusing on yourself, you’re taking care of your energy, goals, and needs appropriately.
It’s easy to get so wrapped up in your work, your goals and your obligations to other people that you neglect your own well-being. It can feel selfish or even self-indulgent to make time for yourself. You’re focused on achieving great things, so why waste time with yourself?
However, this is the wrong attitude to have. To achieve external success, you have to start within and learn how to focus on yourself.
How to Focus on Yourself in 6 Ways
Here are six strategies we’ve found to help you focus on yourself (in an unselfish way).
1. Practice Self-Love
“Self-love” may sound like a sentimental concept that only long-haired hippies in tie-dyed shirts practice, but it’s actually something that can benefit everyone. Self-love means being kind to yourself, minimizing negative self-talk and making more room for positive self-evaluation.
As an entrepreneur, your ability to identify areas that need improvement is one of your most valuable skills. But while this can work well for business, the same attitude can be disastrous for your emotional well-being if you apply it too personally. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to become a better person, but you have to approach it from a place of growth and positivity, not self-loathing and dissatisfaction.
2. Try New Things
If you’re only working on your job, you risk getting stuck in a rut. Your job becomes your only identity, with nothing else existing outside of work. While we’re all for commitment to your job (especially if the work is meaningful and in line with your values), it’s important to continue to try new things beyond it. Doing so keeps you creative and energized, which not only helps you do good work in your job, but also live a richer life overall.
One of the best ways to try new things is to take up a new hobby. This could be something related to your job, but we encourage you to think beyond that. Maybe you want to learn a new language, try a new sport or build things with your hands. Go with whatever hobby you want — just be sure to focus on the learning and self-improvement that will come with it, not worrying about whether it will make money.
3. Make Time for Loved Ones
The people in our lives have a massive effect on the quality of our lives. Yet, we often forget this when we set goals, focusing only on making more money or gaining recognition. In the process, we neglect the people closest to us. What’s worse, it’s easy to rationalize this single-minded focus as an act of love towards our family members. For we think that if we can just achieve a certain level of success, we’ll be able to provide for them and ensure their security.
In reality, however, this isn’t a tradeoff worth making. You have to make time for the ones you love now, no matter where you are in your career or business. Life is passing by either way — better to spend it with the most important people in your life while you can. The dying don’t wish they’d spent more time working (quite the opposite).
4. Cultivate a Healthy Lifestyle
Good health is at the root of all other successful endeavors. You can push your body hard in the short term, going without adequate rest or good nutrition. But this isn’t sustainable behavior over the long term. Eventually, your body will get sick and fatigued, taking you out of work until you recover. It’s better to operate at a healthy, sustainable pace than to burn out in pursuit of fleeting gains.
The first big thing you can do to improve your health is to get enough sleep. Sleep may seem like a waste of time, but it’s quite the opposite. It’s what you need to keep your body strong and your brain energized. Aim for seven to eight hours per night (longer if you have a demanding workout program).
Speaking of working out, every healthy lifestyle includes some sort of physical practice. We prefer this term to “exercise” because most of us tend to associate exercise with running or lifting weights. While these are both fine forms of exercise, they represent just a small sample of the physical activities available. Pick one that you really like, and do it every day (just don’t overdo it, as injuring yourself is counterproductive).
Finally, a healthy lifestyle requires healthy food. The specifics of what you eat will depend on your dietary preferences and level of physical activity. But everyone can benefit from eating more whole foods and less processed, packaged food. Oh, and you should probably drink more water than you currently do (keep a glass or bottle by you while you work to make this easy).
5. Nurture Your Self-Esteem
We already mentioned the importance of self-love in learning how to focus on yourself, but we can’t forget another essential self-quality: self-esteem. Feeling good about who you are and where you’re going are crucial for success in other areas of life, as well as your general happiness. And it goes beyond you: The positive energy that comes from high self-esteem is contagious, powering up the people you come into contact with.
To boost your self-esteem, you need to focus on the positive. Think of the good things you’ve accomplished, whether at work, in your family, through a hobby or in your community. This will help remind you that, no matter what you’re struggling with, you can achieve the things you set out to accomplish.
Additionally, remember that you are more than your accomplishments. You have intrinsic value as a person that goes beyond money or utility to society. You must recognize this in order to truly have high self-esteem.
6. Keep a Journal
Self-reflection is a key part of focusing on yourself. And there’s no better way we’ve found to self-reflect than keeping a journal. The right journal will help you organize your thoughts, notice patterns in your emotions, and feel more in control of your life’s direction.
Not sure what to write about? Pick a journal that has prompts. Or just write about how you don’t know what to write about. Journaling isn’t about producing masterful prose that other people will read. The value comes from the process and the self-reflection that journaling enables.
Don’t Neglect Yourself
We hope you now see how important it is to focus on yourself. Far from being selfish, this activity will help increase your effectiveness in all areas of your life, as well as boosting your happiness and well-being. Try just one of the above ideas today and see what impact it has on your life.
This is all you ever wanted and you have it now. You are in a loving relationship.
You feel awesome. You feel on top of the world. The world looks mighty good to you.
Things are going great in your life. But is that so?
In the thrill of being in a relationship, aren’t you missing something? Yourself, for example?
At times, even in the most perfect of relations, this can happen. You and your individuality are getting lost somewhere along the way. Until it is too late, you are not even aware of it as you were celebrating the togetherness and did not have time to think about it.
When that feeling sinks in, you are brought back down to earth with a thud that can hurt a lot. It would require a lot of effort to bring back your focus on yourself without it damaging your relationship status.
How you wish you had not let it slide from the beginning itself! How you wish to rewind the clock and start all over again!
Not all is lost. You can still find yourself while in a relationship.
This article explores what it means by focusing on yourself and how to love yourself in a relationship.
6 ways to focus on yourself while in a relationship
1. Make space for some me-time
Being together with someone doesn’t mean you have to forget yourself and adapt to the lifestyle of your partner. It is not mandatory to follow specific rules to conform to the ideals set by society for perfect couples.
Just as each person is unique, each relationship is also unique and different. You can make your own rules as long as your partner is also comfortable with them. The two of you need to have an agreement on what is right and what is wrong, preferably from the beginning itself.
One of the important points to consider is me-time or alone time. Finding time for yourself is vital to make togetherness stronger and healthier.
People are good at making rules for others and look down upon those who do not follow them. But when you are together with someone, all it matters is the opinion of your partner and yourself. Nothing else matters.
It is a misconception that couples need to spend as much time together as possible to strengthen their bond. In fact, it is the other around. You can easily get on each other’s nerves by doing that. Spending some apart is the perfect antidote to this situation.
Your need to reach a consensus on how long the me-time would be and how frequently it should happen with your partner.
Alone time can help in bringing balance to a relationship. Don’t pay attention to what others think or say. Do what makes you happy.
2. Cherish your old friendships
In the initial flush of being a couple, you may allow yourself to get lost in the union. The casualty, in this case, would be the bond with your old friends. As you spend more and more with your partner, you will start missing getting together with friends.
Once the excitement of the new relationship wears off, and you settle down as a couple, you must reconnect with old friends and revive the friendships. And by old friends, the inference is your own friends before you met your partner and not the friends you made as a couple.
The time with old friends applies to both of you. Maintaining contact with old friendships can help in keeping your sense of identity alive. Without spending time apart, there is always the threat of too much togetherness. When you spend all your time with each other, in no time the best of relationships can go stale and turn sour.
Time spent in the company of old friends can provide the much-needed space in the union as well as fill you with happiness, excitement, and energy.
3. Have a hobby
Maybe you had one before you met your partner. If not, take up one that you have always wanted to do. It can be playing a game with friends, reading, listening to music, cooking exotic dishes, or gardening. Take your pick and stick with it no matter what.
If you had a hobby earlier, it is all the more important to continue pursuing it. Giving up your favorite leisure time activity will come back to haunt you later. At that point, you would regret giving it up for the sake of spending more time together. And you won’t be able to turn the clock back and retrieve the lost time.
Even though this is a fun and leisure activity, refrain from doing it together as a couple. If you have enough time for couples activities, go right ahead and do that as well. But don’t sacrifice your me-time leisure activity for couples time.
This doesn’t mean you should not support your partner in their leisure activity or vice versa. Cheering for each other is a chance for bonding and there is no reason why you should let it pass. However, you should remember that your hobby is yours alone and yours only.
Being in a relationship is awesome, but sometimes, it can feel like you’re lost in the "coupledom" of it all. Have you been wondering how to focus on yourself while in a relationship? The truth is, it’s not that hard, but it is an intentional choice to continue to nourish your own identity instead of just the partnership identity you have.
My husband and I are both very independent souls. We like our time together, of course, but we also like time apart. We have our own activities that have nothing to do with each other, and we create purposeful space to miss each other and do whatever it is we want as individuals.
After getting married, we both realized that there were things we could do to maintain our identities, separate and apart from just being "Mr. and Mrs." Here are some of the things we learned.
1. Spend Some (Or A Lot Of) Time Alone
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you need to follow anyone else’s "rules" for what a relationship is supposed to look like. To continue taking care of yourself while you’re in a relationship, continue to spend time alone — as much as you need. People are really good at viciously defending their own choices and telling others how to live their lives. But there’s no one in your relationship except you and your partner, and no one else’s opinion should matter.
This is something my husband and I talk a lot about: our own view on what a relationship between two people (and in our case, a marriage) should be. Just because other people think you need to spend a certain amount of time together or hit a certain number of milestones, doesn’t mean you actually need to. You should do what makes you happy.
If you need one specific day a week apart, take it. If you need more, take that, too. I have very high needs for personal space. My husband totally understands this and gives me as much as I need. Taking the alone time you want will help you keep your balance in the relationship, and it’ll also help keep you sane. Don’t worry about anyone else: Do what you need to do.
2. Don’t Forget Your Old Friendships
Of course, at the beginning of a new relationship, it’s pretty natural to go "all in," temporarily not be able to think about anything but your partner. If you go through this period, ride it out because it’s super fun! Don’t worry too much about anything at this stage.
That said, as your relationship grows and deepens, you should be coming back to center a little bit and re-engaging with some of the things you did pre-relationship. One of these things should be connecting with your friends — just your friends from before your relationship, not couple friends the two of you have made.
Spending time with "just the girls" is really necessary for helping to maintain your sense of identity because you’ll avoid getting caught in the bubble of just you and your partner all the time. Not only that, but getting back to girl time will be fun!
3. Maintain A Hobby
Maybe you have something you love to do, like arts and crafts. Maybe you go to a book club every month. Or maybe you like to play a sport with a group of friends. If so, make sure you keep up this hobby after you get into a relationship. And if you don’t have a hobby already, find one you love!
While it can be tempting to include your new partner in everything you do, resist the urge to allow your hobbies to become your couple hobbies. It’s fine to invite your significant other to join you every now and then, but you should have at least a few things you love that have nothing to do with them.
I’m a runner, and I’ve invited my husband to do a race or two with me. I’m also a CrossFitter, and he’s gone to my box for a workout once. But he doesn’t run with me or go to CrossFit with me every day — that would be me giving up my personal time during these absolute favorite hobbies of mine.
We support each other’s hobbies and activities, while also making sure we have enough space to ourselves to continue to do them alone. So find something you love, and let it be your thing and your thing only.
My hobbies happen to be exercise-related, but not everyone is like me. Regardless, no matter what your hobbies are, you should find some time to exercise when you’re in a relationship.
Exercising is something you and your partner can do together, alone, with friends, by joining a class, etc. It isn’t necessarily about getting time away from your partner (although, you can use it for that if you want), but it’s more about nourishing both your body and mind. Seriously, the benefits of exercise include everything from a happier mood to a sharper mind.
Exercise can be a big part of any healthy lifestyle, but especially in a relationship, you’ll come to value the fact that you are taking care of yourself for you, first and foremost.
5. Stay Focused On Your Own Goals
It’s nice to imagine what your life will look like with your partner. You might be daydreaming about marriage and your future together at this fun stage of your relationship. That said, don’t forget about your own personal goals. Things like your career and your own desires for your life path should be at the top of your list.
This doesn’t mean you need to plan a life totally separate from your partner. It just means that while you’re thinking of life together, you should remember to include the things you want to do now, as well as the things you wanted to do before you met them.
6. Communicate With Your Partner
The most important thing you can do to make sure you nourish yourself while in a relationship is to talk to your partner. Talk to them about everything, of course, but especially about the things you need to do to feel like you.
My husband and I talk about everything under the sun, and this is what makes it so easy when I need to tell him I’d really like some time alone or that I am feeling lost in being married.
Although it is exciting to find the love that fits you perfectly, it can also be a difficult transition from singledom to coupledom. I knew my husband was the one for me from the instant we connected, but that doesn’t mean I had an easy time going from "Ms." to "Mrs." It was a big change, and I had to get used to it, like anything else.
When you have a partner who is loving and supportive, it should be easy to talk to them about how you want to maintain your identity. They are probably thinking about similar things, and having an open discussion about ways to nourish yourselves will be good for both of you.
Relationships are wonderful, but they are also sometimes easy to get lost in. If you are looking for ways to focus on yourself more while in your relationship, use the strategies on this list. Feeling like yourself will help you be more centered and grounded and, ultimately, will help your relationship, too.
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As a parent, the idea of focusing on yourself can be an alien one. After all, you’ve spent years looking after your children and putting them first, and how are you supposed to take any time out of your busy schedule just to focus on, well, you? However, there is nothing more important than a little bit of self-care, and you need to make sure that you don’t burn out completely. We’ve put together a list of things that you can do, if you want to have some time away from the stress to make sure that you can feel rejuvenated and rested. It’s OK, you deserve it!
Go on a spa day
OK, we get it. You’re probably not going to have enough time (or money) to be able to take a three week holiday to Thailand and get a relaxing massage every day whilst sipping Mojitos by the sea. However, you can bottle this feeling (we think) and experience the relaxation by going on a spa day. There should be a spa near you, and it won’t be too expensive. You can relax in the swimming pool, visit the sauna, and enjoy the jacuzzi, and there are plenty of treatments that you can get, too. Sometimes, all you need as a parent is a back massage. It’s a stressful business, so book yourself into the spa, and you’ll come out feeling brand new!
Take up a hobby
If you want to focus on yourself a bit more, why not take up a hobby? Even if you can find an hour a week to go to the gym, or to a pottery class, or to a book club, you’ll feel like you’ve had some time out for yourself, and you’ve also done something that you’re interested in, too. The best way to do this is to think about what you really like, and what you used to enjoy before you had kids and it was a pretty hard task to balance everything. Look for things that are going on in your local area, and sign up! Don’t be shy, as there will be plenty of other people in your position, and you’ll even make some new friends.
Read a book
This doesn’t really sound like it is ‘me time’ as such, but putting 30 minutes a day aside to read a book – perhaps at night – will help you to unwind, and will take your mind off to different lands for a while. Pick something light if you’re only just getting back into reading, and you’ll soon find how enjoyable it is to find a book that you just can’t put down. The same rule applies here; think of something that you’re super interested in, and let everything stem from there. If you always loved history but you never made time for it, now is the time! Get a good book, and a glass of wine, and escape for an evening. This is a particularly cheap hobby, too.
Start studying again
We all have life aspirations and dreams, but sometimes we take a little detour before we get to them. However, it doesn’t matter when you do these things, as long as you do actually do them, and there are plenty of parents who go back into education after having kids to realize their aspirations. Whatever you want to do, whether it’s a Nursing course or an online Civil Engineering Master’s degree, there are many ways to study whilst being a busy parent. You can go part time or study online, and your college should offer you the support that you need to make it work. If you’ve always wanted to do it, why not?
Learn to say no
The best thing that you can learn as a parent who wants to focus on themselves more is to learn to say no. We’re not saying that you should reject your family members and say no all of the time, but it’s useful to be able to say no to things in favor of spending some time to yourself. If you’re asked to help out at the school or do anything that takes up your time, you just need to decide whether you really want to do it. If you don’t, don’t be afraid to say what you think (although you should try to be nice about it, of course). Self-care is the art of deciding what is good for you, and doing that. Don’t just do things out of a sense of obligation.
Make a list
The parents who will be most successful in the field of self-care will be the organized, list making types, and if you’re not one of these people, you should give it a try. Write out what you’re going to do in the day, and when you’ve completed those things, the rest of the time is for enjoyment purposes only. If you’re always on the go because you don’t know when to stop and relax, you’re going to miss out on a lot of time that could have been spent doing something enjoyable instead. Make a list, and don’t do anything more than you planned, and you’ll be able to unwind knowing that you’ve done everything you wanted to do.
Ask for help
As a parent, you feel like you can do absolutely anything yourself, and you can manage your time well enough to pull off what you have to. However, there is nothing to feel guilty about if you need to ask for help, so speak to your family members and friends and ask somebody to babysit for a night if you’re in need of some you time. Usually, they’ll see that you need it and they won’t think twice about helping you to have a bit of a break. Don’t be afraid to ask, and make it clear that they don’t have to do it. You could always hire a babysitter, but it usually puts your mind at rest knowing that your family are around to look after your kids for the night.
Don’t get strung up on perfection
You spend so long cleaning your house as a parent, trying to get everything right, and making sure that things are as perfect as they can possibly be. However, the best thing that you can learn is that perfection is not something that you can attain as a parent, and your house is never going to be sparkling clean whilst your kids are growing up. As the saying goes, ‘cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.’ It won’t kill you if things aren’t perfect, and as long as you have a good level of hygiene, everything is fine. Embrace imperfection, and use your time to think about something else instead.
There are many ways that you can focus on yourself more as a parent, from going on spa days, to studying again, to learning to say no when you don’t really want to do something. Whatever it is that works for you, the main thing to remember is that you shouldn’t feel guilty about spending time on yourself. In fact, you’ll be doing your children a favor, as you won’t be running around like a headless chicken, and they will see you as a more relaxed (and rested) parent, with interests and a life that exists outside of parenthood. And that’s great, because you deserve it, so make 2019 the year of ‘me time’!
Those who consider the question of selfishness in their actions reflect a true generosity. To ponder such a thought shows the kindness in your nature.
Perhaps with enough time and reflection, you could come to your own answer on how to focus on yourself without being selfish.
But you’ve searched and landed at this article for some ideas. And I’m happy to provide insights from my own experience.
In reflecting on this topic, more questions came to my mind that I believed would help answer the central query.
When faced with something you’re unsure of, breaking it down in pieces can sometimes reveal the truth of the matter.
Let’s ponder on some questions together.
What does it mean to be selfish?
Most definitions of selfish state that it means to care only or exclusively with oneself. Breaking it down further, the meaning seems to suggest having no care for others.
By that understanding, maybe we’re all selfish to some extent. We all have moments where we’re exclusively focused on ourselves.
When you’re making food to eat on your own, is there anyone else you’re caring for? When you’re lying down to rest, is someone being helped by that action other than you?
Given these points, it’s almost impossible for anyone not to be selfish sometimes. Strange as it may seem to acknowledge, perhaps it’s a comfort to recognize that selfishness is a part of who we are.
Is it selfish to focus on yourself?
Maybe the question to ask isn’t is it selfish to focus on ourselves. Maybe the real question to ponder is when does it become too selfish to focus on ourselves.
It seems true to life that almost everything can be done too much. In the space of too much, we leave important necessities in a space of too little.
In a space where well-being is negatively impacted. An element such as water, we know is good. But we know too much can leave little space for our lungs to have air.
Too much selfishness in focusing on one’s self can lead to little connection with others.
We’re left in a place of too little human interaction, and too little happiness which can come from it.
Knowing the point in which we’ve gone too far is difficult to determine. One person’s too far can be another person’s just right.
One must look into their hearts honestly, and carefully evaluate their own actions. Reflect on if there’s been enough attention and consideration to others needs.
We must listen to others and analyze their judgments. Determine if there’s truth in any criticisms of self-centeredness.
Reflecting on the character of the person delivering the criticism. Seeing if in their own lives, they’ve been an example of selflessness to follow.
What is the least selfish way to focus on one’s self?
As humans, we have basic necessities to satisfy for our own survival. Food, water, shelter, sleep, and many others specific to our own challenges.
These would seem to be at the lowest levels of selfishness in focusing on ourselves. Taking care of yourself first allows you to better take care of others.
But our lives consist of more than just our needs. They consist of our hopes, our dreams, and our deepest desires.
To leave those unsatisfied, is to some extent leaving ourselves uncared for. The happiness that our passions ignite within, makes us more able to ignite that happiness in others.
It’s harder to make others feel something, if one doesn’t even feel it themselves. In that sense, at times, it can be a lower form of self-centeredness to make our inner-joy a priority.
Am I focusing on myself enough?
It’s odd to think it’s possible that we don’t focus on ourselves enough. But the reality exists for some who sacrifice their own desires so much for others.
I think of the mothers and fathers who put their kids and spouses’ desires above their own. They allow their hopes and dreams to be sidelined for the happiness of their loved ones.
I think of all people who sacrifice their time and space for the satisfaction of others. Maybe that person has been you lately.
Perhaps inevitably we all get to a point in life where our well-being has been neglected too much. Where we realize we haven’t focused on ourselves enough.
It’s in these moments, we stop, and take time for ourselves more. To recognize again, that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes.
That even the most selfless among us need time to focus on personal happiness. Our own wellness is never to be undervalued.
In the end, you need to focus on yourself sometimes. Focusing on yourself is selfish to an extent. But you can manage whether that extent is too much.
Mastering the balancing act may be a never-ending process. But to even ponder these thoughts shows in some way, we’re already succeeding.
I was the one who was the designated driver in high school and college. I wanted to be in control of how I arrived and left a party. Besides, the taste of alcohol did not please, so it was a win-win situation in my mind.
Then, a decade later, I found myself dating someone who was addicted to drugs. I thought if he could just hang around me, see how I found joy without being altered by substances and bask in my love, then he could stay sober.
In the midst of it, I didn’t see that I wanted to have control over him.
I didn’t see that my annoyance with his victim mentality, blaming external relationships and circumstances for his situation, reflected my own victim mentality and judgment.
And the joy I wanted him to emulate from me was really just tears of the clown, because I wasn’t aligned with my true self.
Pain is a Mirror Image
The pain I felt was a mirror to his pain. He felt shame and judged himself harshly for using; I felt shame and judged myself harshly for not being where I thought I should be in my career, and for the way I looked as I packed on the pounds of responsibility he never asked me to take.
It wasn’t until I gave up on wanting him to change that I found peace. I realized I wasn’t in pain because I loved this person. I was in pain because he wasn’t acting how I wanted him to act. I was in pain because I deemed a specific path to joy and expansion, and he wasn’t taking it.
Accept the Other, Accept Yourself
After I realized that I could be at peace by accepting who he was and his choices, I could finally accept my responsibility for our relationship and for bringing him into my life. I decided to love him for the being he was, and most importantly, to love myself.
My relief was astounding. I started meditating daily and allowed myself to listen to my truth. I let go of the weight of trying to be his savior, and that translated into inches off of my body. It was like dense matter had seamlessly transformed into light.
When I began to love myself, I empowered myself to make healthy choices. Since I knew I couldn’t change him, I figured out that it was my preference to no longer be around that environment. So I decided to leave it.
I understood that he used drugs to obtain relief and to be soothed from his troubles, which is what we all try to do in different forms when we experience that contrast from where we are and where we want to be.
But I was closing that contrast gap for myself, and where I was and where he was energetically could not be in the same space for too long. I was still there for him as a friend, but as I grew one way our phone conversations became less and less.
This man has been one of my greatest teachers. He recently passed away, and ever since I learned of this, I have been hearing one of his favorite songs consistently on the radio, Levon, written by Elton John and Bernie Taupin.
This teacher of mine used to sit in his favorite chair and laugh and cry to that song. The protagonist, Levon, was a man seeped in tradition. He was born poor, and once he started making money, he became attached to it.
My ex saw himself as Levon’s son, who would blow up balloons all day (how his father made money) and watch them fly away. The son was a dreamer who wanted to go to Venus.
My friend, my love, did fly away in his physical form. I don’t know the circumstances that surrounded his death. I think he finally found in the non-physical what I learned to do in the physical—to love himself and find relief.
Getting to That Better Feeling Place
If you too are waiting on someone else, hoping they’ll change and realize their “potential,” and you’re feeling miserable as a result, it may help to do the following:
1. Realize that the only person you can change is yourself.
You can be a guide and an example, but ultimately change comes from within.
2. Accept the situation didn’t “just happen to you.”
You made a choice to enter this situation. When you accept responsibility for your part, thoughts, and reactions, you will be empowered to transform.
3. Accept the person for who they are and where they are.
By doing this, you will be living in the present moment and not putting blame for what happened yesterday and creating stories about what could happen in the future.
4. Connect with the feeling of relief.
Realize that underneath it all, the person is just trying to feel better, even though it might be in a harmful way, and you don’t approve of their choices.
5. Write down your dreams and preferences.
Focus on your inner world and what thoughts bring you to a place of joy. Decide how you choose to live and what’s healthy for you.
6. Be consistent.
And after you make this a consistent practice, the situation must change—either the person will start moving to where you are, or you will exit each other’s lives.
I certainly needed to take these steps and learn these lessons. I learned from him to go to Venus and dream. To listen to my true self and to follow a path that was aligned with thoughts of joy and smiles of inspiration.
When I became clear on my dreams and aligned with them, that gave me the motivation to move by the ocean and to take the first steps to leaving a legal career behind. I finally accepted myself. I finally felt like I knew who I was.
I am so grateful for where I am now, and I thank him for nudging me out of my comfort zone and for helping me learn acceptance, allowance, and awareness of who I really am. And now when I find myself thinking thoughts of those opposites, I can now blow up balloons, put those thoughts in them, and watch them fly away—with a smile, in my favorite chair.
Focus is one thing that has the ability to turn tables on you. If you focus on yourself, you’ll eventually grow whereas, if your focus is on others, your personal growth may be hindered. Therefore, you really need to focus on yourself instead of others.
Take a hurdle race as an example. If you are running a hurdle race, instead of focusing on your track you begin to focus on your fellow runners. What do you think is going to happen? You will fall and lose because your focus was on someone else.
This implies to all walks of life, you need to bring the focus back to yourself. If you are struggling to do the same this article will be a blessing in disguise for you. We will discuss some effective ways of focusing on yourself and being happy.
7 Effective Ways To Start Focusing On Yourself And Not Others
1. Take Some Time Off For Yourself
It’s good to be hardworking but don’t forget that you are working hard to improve your quality of life. If you are spending your time working for others, wouldn’t it be funny, the price for your quality of life is your quality of life itself.
2. Maintain A Journal
Journaling is the best way to keep a track of your activities. Write about your day, how did you spend your off work period? This will help you get a clear picture of where you focus more. You can contemplate on what you have been doing and where you are going wrong.
3. Check In With Yourself (Regularly)
Don’t be a robot! Don’t be stuck in a loop. Hold! Sit back and think about what you really want. Ask yourself time and again, are you really working for yourself? Is the focus on yourself or is it on others? Check in with yourself and focus on yourself. Do things you really want to do for your betterment.
4. Set Practical Boundaries
Set boundaries for yourself and others. Don’t become a yes man/woman. Learn to say no. You need to focus on yourself and that means you have to invest time in yourself. Set some boundaries, have some limits and make sure that others know about them too.
5. Don’t Be Lethargic
You have to be active. If you want to bring the focus back to yourself, pull your socks up and start working for yourself. You need to actively work towards making your life better. Identify your shortcomings and start focusing on your strengths. Use your self-awareness to your advantage.
6. Self-Care Is A Must
Taking care of yourself is an important aspect of focusing on yourself. Think of what you need and how you can give it to yourself. Do things that make you feel good about yourself? Relax your mind and body. The best way to focus on yourself is by taking good care of yourself.
7. Consult A Professional
Sometimes we fail to understand our incapability to focus on ourselves. That is why scheduling an appointment with a professional is a wise thing to do. They can help us understand where we are going wrong and how we can bring the focus back on track.
Benefits Of Focusing On Yourself
Focusing on yourself is the need of the hour. In this rat race we really need to bring the focus back to be happy. Nobody will help in making things work for you, only you can do it for yourself. Once you start focusing on yourself, trust me, you’ll be benefited a lot more than you know…
- Improves quality of life
- Increases joy and happiness in life
- Helps in avoiding burnouts
- Increases self-awareness
- Improves overall wellbeing
How to focus on yourself other than others has been a troubling phase for a lot of people. We struggle to bring our focus back to ourselves. Try to focus on yourself rather than focusing on others.
I hope you found this blog helpful. Do comment and let me know if you tried the above mentioned ways of how to focus on yourself and not on others. Try to bring the focus back to yourself for your own happiness and contentment.